Ah grieving…. the time of our lives that put our hearts into a stop. A time of dying for us. A time when things you wish things can be better. A time of sadness and sorrow. A time of regret. A time of crying.
All you think about is the pain of what happened and wishing you can change what happened. It takes time for the release, but eventually ceases as you proceed through it.
Grieving seems like a negative thing for some people, but it has tons of benefits too. Let us go deep into this subject.
First, let us talk about the disadvantages of grieving before talking about the positives.
Self-worth. The grieving can tear down your self-worth. The world you knew crumbles right in front of you. So, you might think you are not good enough for anything. You give yourself negative self talk, which is part of the process. But, it can get worse if not properly nurtured. So, it affects your mindset.
- This is where I got affected the most. It was natural for me to feel worthless. I thought everything was my fault until I realized that it wasn’t true. I am worthy. However, that’s the disadvantage of grieving. It can lead you to negative thinking if you don’t nurture it properly.
It can take time. The mourning stage takes time to process. Rushing it will make it worse! If you rush or skip the process, then it can emotionally stunt you. But, for some people they remain in the grieving stage for a very long time and stays there, which can hinder their enjoyment of life.
- I remember, I grieved for a very long time. I was either staying there or regressing back. It was back and forth. However, I stayed that way because I didn’t know any better. I didn’t let go of the past. It made me think that the future never matter. But, I was wrong. The story hasn’t ended yet.
People will be wary of you. Sometimes, it happens. People might feel uncomfortable with you. Especially the ones who don’t understand.
- I remember, people were uncomfortable with me because I looked gloomy when I was going through rough times. In fact, they didn’t see me the same way. Some of my old friends stopped being friends with me. I didn’t know the reason, but that’s how it was.
Advantages of grieving
I say, grieving has a ton of great things. Look at it in another way.
It’s healing you. Without a doubt, grieving helps heal you emotionally. We shouldn’t ignore grieving! If you ignore it, then your inner problems will resurface. It might get worse if you don’t face the sadness. However, you can change that! Face it and don’t avoid that problem in you. In no time, you will heal!
Changes your thinking. This will sound crazy, but grieving can help transition from negative to positive thinking.
- Prior to my super rock bottom phase, negativity dominated my thoughts. Thoughts of never being good enough. I was unaware. But, when I went through a certain moment in my life, I hit a terrible rock bottom. During my mourning phase, I only had my negative thoughts.
- I realized how negative I was and it didn’t sit well with me. I wanted to change that. I wanted more positivity in my mind and life.
You learn and grow stronger. Grieving helps you become stronger and you learn from the experience. It’s like working out. Your muscles get stronger when they reach a breaking point. Your emotions reached a breaking point
- It’s rock bottom. I don’t know how long I stayed in that place, but it was long. I had a choice to rise or not. Rising was the option I wanted. Evolve myself from it.
Knowing your support people. The good thing about the grieving process is the people that care for you. In fact, you will truly know the people that support you on your lows when they stick around. But, the ones that leave are the people who don’t deserve you in the first place. Weeding out the extra baggage.
- When I was going through my phase, people slowly turned their backs on me.
- Then, there were others that stayed by my side through the toughest hour. They are the ones that deserve my respect.
Discovering your interests. During the mourning phase, you’re always with your thoughts. Analyzing scenarios of what you could have done. The great thing about it, you think of ways to handle your situation better. You discover coping mechanisms for release. You like them as a new hobby.
- This gave me time to reevaluate myself. I wanted to stay busy to help cope with my sadness. I took up dancing classes and martial arts. I realized I loved doing it.
Time for yourself and the people you care. I know it’s the grieving phase. It’s the time when you are feeling sad and depressed. But, you don’t realize; you are spending more precious time with yourself. If you have people who are supporting you, then it’s more time with them too. Time is precious, regardless of your circumstance.
- I remember, I was always out and didn’t have time for my family. When I got depressed, I spoke to my family about it and we bonded because I was expressing myself to them. Before I expressed myself to people I barely know, but now I’m able to do it with the ones I truly love.
Steps to eventually lead to peace!
Emotions can take us to places we don’t expect. For grieving, it feels like you are in a dark hole, which is hard to get out. Here are my steps on getting out of that hole quicker. It helps me, so I hope it can help you.
- Accepting the pain involve with the circumstance. It will take time to accept. It’s difficult at first. It wasn’t easy for me to accept the situation, but I believed it was the only way to free myself. It was a stepping stone.
- Feeling the pain. I tried to avoid what happened and bury the pain, but that was not the best decision. It consumed me and could not rise above it. So, acknowledge the pain and see it for what it is. The negative emotions with the memories will be there, but try to embrace them. It’s the only way for freedom.
- Forgiveness. Forgiving those who wrong you (if any) and yourself.
- Discover interests. During this process, you will discover hobbies for yourself. Interests you never expected. This could be a cope mechanism for the mourning phase.
- Learn and grow. You realize that as you discover your interests, you will become good at it. You will also grow stronger in the process and live with meaning.
- Appreciation. Finally, you will have a different perspective. Instead of criticizing the circumstance, you appreciate that it happened. Because if it didn’t happen in the first place, then you wouldn’t grow as a person you are now.
What changed after the grieving process?
Before the grieving phase, I was a negative person. I was a good man, but didn’t have the mental capacity. I didn’t have the confidence to express myself. I always believed I didn’t have what it takes to succeed. I doubted myself constantly even though I knew I could do it.
After the grieving process, I appreciate every situation I face. I may get fearful at first, but I finally have the courage to face them. I’m more confident with the things I want in my life and express them humbly. I see life more fruitful.
Grieving is part of life. Without grieving then we are better off as toasters on the counter. That’s what makes us human and a living being. It will hurt at first, but eventually a small spec of light is enough. Remember, nothing is permanent and we should accept that. But, we chance a choice to move forward.
I believe whoever is going through tough times, they will rise above it. I promise you, when you rise about it, then you will be the happiest.
Thank you for reading and please leave a comment!