How I deal with ANGER and how it helps you! What are there PROS and CONS?

Anger is one of those things that burden us.

We live in a world of fear and anger. The world makes us believe what we can’t do and it angers us. It drives us insane and it makes us do things we regret later in our life.

But one thing for sure, anger is not all that bad as long it’s used properly. Especially if it’s used at the right direction! When we learn to embrace anger it becomes a window.

I’ll show you! But first, let me tell you one of my experience and how I overcome them from time to time.

The angry me!

As a young person, I am prone to anger. Especially, when there are things going on with my life and there are many things to think about.

There are things I did in the past that I regret, but many times those helped me realize my situation.

I’ll give one example!

There was a girl that I used to like. Let’s call her SA (If you read my heartbreak post, you will know this story). We didn’t get along after our misunderstanding and I tried to reconcile with her. I wanted her to forgive me. From time and time, I sucked it up and tried my best to repress my emotions.

Despite her rejecting all my attempts, I never gave up on her. That kept going on for 6-7 months, but no prevail.

During the first phases, I hit a depression and it was frustrating. Every day felt like hell!

As time went by, my frustrations piled up.

Until one day in March of 2017, that’s when I got angry. I yelled at SA and her friends because it brought flashbacks of the person that I care. Let’s her call her KA.

My thoughts were “KA was hurt because of them in the past. I didn’t want to stand there and do nothing!!”

So, I shouted at them. I became enraged!

I was seeing red and black. I didn’t think clearly. I heard SA was really scared. But, I didn’t care at that time.

Was that a mistake on my part? Definitely! Because that didn’t show who I was as a person and it frightened some people. I might have caused casualties, which I’m glad never happened. Or else, I would regret it for the rest of my life!

Later that evening, it helped me realize I needed to finally let go.

Disadvantage

Anger definitely has disadvantages! Especially the consequences that happens after it happens. So, you guys better be careful!

Scary. Being angry makes you look scary! I mean, it’s obvious! Who wants to deal with that!?

  • I remember after I got angry at SA and her friends, SA got frightened. So, it did make me look scary. Did I regret it? In the beginning, yes, but not anymore. Did I make a mistake by shouting? Yes, I did, but I was grateful no one got hurt.
  • I learn to calm myself first before an outburst and think things through. Or else, I’ll look like the Beast from ‘Beauty and the Beast.’

Relationships. Anger causes relationships to fall apart. It leads to consequences that could be difficult to restore.

  • Sometimes, I offend people when I am angry, so it does leave a scar on them. Sometimes, I regret doing those things, but we learn from them and we move on.

Pride. In my experience, anger is usually triggered by pride. Everyone has egos that keep them protected. So, when that protection is gone, people can’t help but feel a sudden burst of emotions.

  • Sometimes when I get angry, I feel my pride has been hurt. I do have a slight ego, so that’s the thing I always try to improve on.

Control. Sometimes, we can’t control ourselves during an outburst. We just allow it to control us and that’s our choice too.

  • Honestly, sometimes I lose control when I get angry. I say things that I didn’t mean to say.
  • I learn to control myself by deep breathing. Deep breathing through the stomach helps clear my mind. Meditation helps as well!

Advantage

Learning a lesson and personal responsibilities. Sometimes, after getting mad you start regretting. SO, when you regret, you begin to learn from that regret and dislike feeling that way.

  • Everytime I get angry, I tell myself “I shouldn’t have done that :(.” It does make me think for a while. But after learning from it, I feel grateful afterward.
  • In my opinion, anger reminds me of my weaknesses. Whatever offends me tells me more about my insecurities.

Health. It’s healthy because it helps release tension in the body. In my opinion, tension is like your repressed emotions. Tension that leads to consequences like violence and insanity. Sometimes, we hold back our anger, which builds up until no return. And, when things don’t go our way, we release all that built up anger to anything we see. So, getting angry is okay if we put it in the right place.

  • When there were moments that I repressed my anger, it made me feel horrible inside and my day would feel terrible.
  • What I do, I go to an isolated place and start getting angry on my own. I shout, punch the wall, sometimes cry. After doing that for some time, I feel fresh and relaxed. I felt like the weight on my shoulders disappeared. Another way I do it is to talk to myself and express what I’m feeling. A lot of times, I learn something about myself.

Relationships. So, getting angry helps improve relationships. You express your frustrations to whomever that you had a fight with and try to resolve it.

  • Sometimes, we have difficulty expressing our frustrations towards anyone. But, it’s okay to become vulnerable. You let them know what boundaries not to cross next time it occurs.
  • However, what I learned is that it’s only effective if we express our feelings without blaming. We tend to blame anything that we think that caused us to feel angry.

Boundaries. It reminds others to not cross our boundaries and it’s healthy to have them.

  • Anger is like a reminder that we have things we need to protect and value.

How to manage it?

Accept it. Ignoring the feeling of anger or repressing it can give you unstable reactions in the near future. You have to admit your anger because if not then it causes a person to feel terrible. Once you accept your anger, then the weight on your shoulder disappear.

  • In the past, I didn’t want to admit that certain things made me angry. So, if didn’t help my cause. It made me feel more depressed as time went by. It’s toxic!!
  • I overcame this by admitting what always made me irritable. When I did that, I felt better and I became more aware of my thoughts.

Question yourself. You have to ask yourself, why a certain thing is pissing you off! You have to take your time to get access to yourself. Instead of question other people who piss you off, why not question yourself too. Sometimes. blaming others is easy, but it’s hard to look at ourselves

  • I had that issue in the past. I never questioned my anger, so I blamed others for not doing things as I wanted or expected. I had some pride back then, so admitting myself that I could be wrong didn’t cross my mind.
  • But this all changed in 2017 when I shouted to SA and her friends. I was becoming the person that I despised. I wanted to change that, so I became more self-aware.

Choice. It’s our choice to change. We have to realize the consequences of this action if it goes out of control.

  • In my case, I chose to feel angry at times. Our emotions are our choice after all. Only I can give myself permission to feel offended by others. We hold our own doors to people. Nowadays, if people try to hate on me on purpose, I just close my door and shrug it off. Shrugging your shoulders helps too!

Embracing and expressing. Telling people how we feel when we are angry is helpful. Embracing the emotions and thoughts when it occurs feels more liberating. Instead of pushing it away, we have to see for what it is. Anger is an emotion and it should embrace the same way as happiness. It also feels better to express the things that make us angry.

  • Before I used to blame people for my anger, but it never helped. It only made things worse. I channeled my anger towards people instead of self-expression.
  • What I’ve learned when trying to express my anger, it’s better to let the other party know how you feel about their actions instead of blaming. For example, use “I feel …… when you do this ……” instead of saying “You always do this and that and this …….” It’s showing your vulnerability, which helps the other party to relate.

Conclusion

It’s okay to feel angry and it’s healthy. Even I struggle with it.

Anger does have its disadvantages where it makes you look scary and out of control, but does have advantages.

Advantages for health and learning lessons!

Anger is healthy! If we repress our anger it expands and can cause a larger problem! So, express your anger. Express it without judgment and a healthy way. Never in a violent way.

Expressing how we help to liberate us and understand ourselves. You begin to accept the emotion and yourself.

When you understand your own anger, it helps to understand others feeling it.

Thank you for reading and please a comment!

16 thoughts on “How I deal with ANGER and how it helps you! What are there PROS and CONS?”

  1. You are right, everyone in this work gets angry and it’s not a easy job for them to control or overcome that.

    This article had everything I needed to know about the advantages and disadvantages of getting angry. And Also from reading your story I learned how to overcome that. 

    This is a well written article . Thank you so much for posting this.

    1. Thanks for the reply Sujandar Mahesan! I’m glad it helped you. Honestly, I always thought anger was a negative thing. But, that SA story helped me realize that repressing anger is bad as well. 

  2. Anger is a difficult thing to deal with often, especially for people with quick tempers. Those that don’t show anger just suppress it, which isn’t so good either, as this causes stress.

    My Mom always taught me that if I feel so angry that I want to explode, then I must pause, breathe deeply and count to ten. I find this does help me to calm myself and deal with the situation in a more rational manner.

  3. As someone who has dealt with anger issues, I can identify with everything you are saying now. I think one of the most important things for me to learn was how to express my anger in a way that is constructive and healthy. Most of the time I would bottle it up and later explode. It’s so similar to a volcano. The longer it is left to church, the more violent the explosion will be. Thank you for pointing out that anger can be helpful, if expressed well and in the correct direction. I’m sure this will be helpful read to a lot of people. 

    1. Thanks Steve! I appreciate it. When I hold my anger, it hurts my heart. I didn’t like that feeling. It’s like a hammer hitting your chest or something

  4. Anger is something that I think everybody is struggling with and sometimes it can ruin your relationships with your loved ones, your friends, work…so I think we have to learn to pause for a minute before we explode into something we don’t wan’t to be. A very good article that gives you something to think about. Maybe you should offer under products something that will help you to calm down, some literature, meditation programs…natural remedies…

    1. Oh okay! Thanks for the advise Vesnapernari! That’s a good idea. I should do that. One thing that helped me too are frequencies. For example, 432hz, 417hz, etc. But, that’s just me. It could be different for you. I’ll that and see what I can do

  5. Hi Ralph,
    Nice post. I agree that there may be pros and cons of getting angry. Anger is an emotion and you have to decide what to do with it. For example, if you are angry that you were overlooked for a promotion, you can either become bitter, or you can decide to improve yourself so that you can stand out when the competition comes around again.
    My son also taught me something. He said that a lot of times, anger comes from pride. One may think of oneself very highly and feel insulted by another person’s action. So I try to practice humility.
    Thanks again for your post.

    1. Hey Olufemi! Sorry for the late reply. I agree 100%! It’s pretty cool how your son taught you something about anger. I’ve also learned from my sister about anger. Another example of many. When she was dating her ex, he was always angry and even when they broke up there was not much love given to her at that point, it was all anger driven. To the point, she broke down. I saw everything in front of me. I told myself, I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to hurt another person because of pride and anger. And, when the SA moment happened, I almost had my screws loose. Just glad that it didn’t escalate.
      Thanks again Olufemi

  6. You said one word it relates to anger and your article that really stood out for me and that was pride.

    People do get angry when they pride is tainted especially young men over young lady who rejects them that can make us angry I remember being angry when I was young man over the same thing.

    Thing is we as humans need to do better to control anger for the sake of one’s health for one thing as it causes stress but also you said that you scared SA? 

    Imagine parents who get angry and scare their children.

    It’s good that you have discovered how to deal with anger and even better that you’re now  able to help others.

    Good for you, this is a must read for people who want to control any anger issues. Let go and be happy

    1. Thanks Darren! I didn’t realize about the parents and the children part. That part gave me an insight. I’m happy that you got something out if it! Pride is good, but at the same time a curse.

  7. Hi Ralph,

    I really liked your post on How to deal with anger. I really like the fact that it was very relatable and that you used your personal experience with SA to outline anger and the advantages and disadvantages. In fact, your article was very compelling so that I went back and read about your heartbreak story that you talked about in the post. It was an amazing read although it took me a little bit of time searching to find the article on your website. 

    All said and done I still think your post is well written and engaging. Keep up the good work! Have a great day!

    Pam 

    1. Hi Pam, I appreciate that you liked my post. I’m glad you could relate to it. I have a friend who is going through a similar situation as did with SA, so that’s why I wanted to write that. To show that there are flip sides to things we do. Also, sorry for the late reply. Thanks Pam!

  8. Hey, nice post. I am not an angry person at all. I’m rather the let it go type but I have learn that this is not always good. Ift talking can easily lead to conflict due to misunderstanding, not talking lead to frustration and big anger as it cumulates and I have learned it the hard way and this is in my opinion what happened to you too. As you hold your anger for long. Do you have a tips to help you hold on when you feel angry? I sometimes count till 10 before speaking. I have heard that the gym help manage the anger easily, do you have any experience with that?

    I will definitely try the advice to talk to oneself. Thank you

    1. Hi BIOVA NAKOU! For me, when I have to hold my anger, I take deep breaths and sometimes I make humming sounds. When I do that, I feel better. Especially, during confrontations with bosses or whoever, it helps. It’s not much but I hope it helps you

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