How do I go about self-development? What’s the good and the bad?

Everyone knows what self-improvement is. Self-improvement is wanting to better oneself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc.

Things that are good to make a person’s life better.

However, how do I go about self-development!! What’s the good and the bad?

There is a bad?!

Maybe!

Sounds crazy right?

You will find out soon and why I say this.

When I started getting serious…

I started becoming serious with self-improvement, probably, 2 to 3 years ago. My life was a mess at some points and it felt I needed a complete overhaul.

I wanted to change!!

I was heartbroken during those times. I felt my foundation was lost. The Ralph during those times was fading. In fact, I didn’t know myself anymore.

As time went by, slowly but surely, I didn’t know myself. The foundation that I built during the years was chipping away and it was painful to lose myself.

During my lows, my best friend would tell me to “focus on you.” I didn’t understand what he meant at that time, but I thought you ignore the problem. That’s true, but knowing how stubborn I am, it didn’t click at that time.

Until one day, I wanted to improve myself.

When I did, I discovered advantages and disadvantages. A bag full!!

Super advantage of self-improvement goals

Self-improvement is a positive action for yourself. It’s one of the first act of seeking love for yourself. It’s similar to how parents help their child grow but in your own terms.

It’s Fun!! There is nothing more enjoyable than to help yourself. It becomes a healthy addiction because you see yourself at the end of the road successful.

Motivation and Productivity. Improving oneself increases to want to succeed. It becomes a 24/7 job only exciting. Especially, when we are in a world that operates in a 9 to 5 system. Therefore, there is not really a lot of time to spare for us. However,  as you spend your time improving, it becomes an addiction. And, when it becomes an addiction, you become motivated and productive.

  • Another thing that I realize when I do self-improvement, I was passionate. I had this laser focus! It felt good and I felt unstoppable. It feels like I need to get things done or my day can never become complete. It really feels good knowing I’m coming closer to my goal.

Having Self-awareness. For me, I’ve noticed details about myself that I never knew about myself. For example, how my body always tenses when I’m under pressure. Plus, I become aware of my thoughts and reasons why it happens. So, that’s the thing that helps me improve.

Skills improve. Without a doubt, your skills skyrocket! This is a no brainer haha!!

Self-Love and value. Personal improvement is searching for yourself. And, when we look out for ourselves, then it’s the act of love. It’s the reward for yourself and how you want to see yourself in the future.

  • For me, as I improved myself, then the more I loved myself. I discovered who I was and what I am. However, I didn’t love my current and especially my past self. I was only looking forward to loving my future self. The one that I am improving and aspire to become.
  • So, one day I realized. It helped me realize that your future self is not the only thing you should love about yourself as you self-improve. But, loving oneself from past, present, and future. No matter what!! Personal development opened my eyes to what I am. This all happened in 2017.

The disadvantage is self-improvement goals!

Now, let’s explore personal improvement’s negative setbacks.

Lack of appreciation. We can never have enough in the world. People that always strive for more, barely see what they already have. It’s the lack of belief in themselves that appreciation for the present moment is absent.

  • In the past, I always thought about doing more. When I finally reach my goal, I always think I needed more of that. I was never satisfied and I pressured on myself. It consumed my mind to keep wanting more of something that I already had. I was never at peace. I thought that if I get it just one last time, then I would be okay. But that didn’t happen.
  • Eventually, I got over it. But, sometimes I’m not perfect, therefore I would want more. However, it doesn’t disrupt my peace of mind anymore.

The way of understanding. Sometimes, personal improvement can hinder our understanding of ourselves at the moment. Sometimes, we have our own issues, but we can’t seem to understand the cause of it. We seem to ignore our issues, therefore never dealing with them at first hand. We believe, self-improvement can remove the issues, but it will always be there.

  • A few years ago, I was constantly improving on my confidence. I felt unstoppable and it felt good knowing I improved. But, there was always something that I didn’t understand. I was sad. I thought, if I kept improving, then the sadness would be gone. I was wrong. It was useless to keep building something if there was something that felt off with me.

You can become Obsessed with your problem. The reason people improve themselves is that they believe they have a problem. They believe that something is wrong with themselves. Therefore, they throw away what they were and focus on creating what they believe is correct. They abandon themselves and start anew. However, if a person sees themselves as a problem in the first place without dealing with that issue, then the root of the problem will always be there. Therefore, if a problem arises with oneself, then the same issue will resurface.

  • Over time there was a personal issue I was dealing with, I become overly obsessed with trying to fix what was “wrong.” I somewhat became paranoid of any negativity I had. I believe, perfectionism was the answer. But not really! I just drove myself crazy!
  • It wasn’t healthy. So, I decided to free myself from perfectionism and enjoy the process. When I became obsessed, it was similar to a person telling me that there was something wrong with me. I just pestered myself. So, letting go had an effect.

Comparison. Self-improvement is good as long it’s kept within oneself. However, we get sidetracked and compare ourselves to others. We either believe we are superior or inferior to other parties. When we believe that, we become consumed my resentment.

  • I remember a time when my reason for improving myself was due to others being better than me. I had a somewhat big ego before, so feeling superior to anyone made me feel great. But, when others did better, then I would feel a little irritated.
  • One day, I wanted to rid myself of seeing other people for their successes and focused on what I had to offer. I’m glad I noticed it right away and I started focusing on myself. It sounds selfish, but you have to do it.

Lack of being enough. At the end of the day, self-improvement reveals the lack of our desires. As long as we can’t accept ourselves, then we are bound to change something in or out of ourselves. Some people haven’t accepted themselves and by constantly changing their beliefs, they create an illusion for themselves. Self-improvement sometimes hides what we lack and the emptiness. Regardless, you are what you are and we should accept that.

  • In the past, I felt that the only way to fill the void in my heart was to improve everything else in life, which is not a bad idea. But, I did it because I wanted people’s recognition. I wanted people to see how great I am. But, I realize that in the end, it made me sad. It didn’t make me feel enough.
  • I finally overcame this issue not too long ago. I finally let go of anyone’s approval. I fully accepted what I am, regardless. Past, present, and future, you should always love yourself.

Why you are always enough regardless.

Self-improvement is cool! But, some people do it because they don’t feel enough with their current state.

Honestly, I’ve realized that the reason I did self-improvement was not that I wanted to, but it felt that I had. I never felt complete with myself, so I was constantly refining and changing things.

And, there was a cost to it. I ended being indecisive because I felt a lot of things about myself needed some fixing.

However, that never made me happy, despite my personal development. I feel regardless, I would always feel the same way because I lacked contentment with myself.

It only felt like I needed to prove something to people and that failed miserably. Frustration loomed over me and I started to feel lost again.

Then one day, I gave up on trying to prove a point. I didn’t care about it anymore.

When I gave up, I started to realize the precious life that I had. It made me see the colors of my life again. It made me happy that wherever I am and even the past, I will always feel enough.

The pressure is off and now I can feel free knowing what I am is enough.

Overall, I love self-improvement

In conclusion, personal improvement is great! We should always strive to become the better versions of ourselves. There are so many resources for it as well! Like websites, training, techniques, books, tips, etc.

There is so much advantage when improving oneself and there are some disadvantages as well.

But regardless, we should enjoy the process and never forget who we are.

Others believe if something goes wrong then we don’t feel enough. Therefore, we have to change what we are, so we do personal development.

In my opinion, whether you are rich or poor, sad or happy, ugly or pretty, self-improvement won’t matter as long as we accept ourselves first.

Thanks for listening and reading everyone. Please leave a comment!

Namaste!!

Constantly comparing yourself? The good, the bad? Here is my opinion!

WARNING – This is my opinion and personal experiences!

“Find the lessons in the pain and cultivate it as your personal weapon” – Unknown

Comparing ourselves is a common epidemic in the world. It doesn’t matter what age you are. It plagues your mind like a disease.

You become resentful to whoever or whatever you are comparing yourself with. Even yourself.

It makes you feel inferior and it conditions you that it’s the right thing to do.

We end up hurting ourselves, therefore lowers our self-esteem. We don’t notice it, but in the long run, it destroys us.

However, you can end this cycle that plagues your mind and you can use the power of comparison for positive use. I will explain soon!

But first, let’s begin with a short story^^

Story time!

Elementary

I was a fat kid growing up. I heard people call me all kinds of names from a pig, piglet, fat boy, etc. You name it all, I heard it all!

Being an innocent fat kid who heard all the teasing and insults, made my self-esteem sink deeper than Mariana’s trench.

Many of the kids were fit, so I looked at myself and believed there was something wrong with being fat. Plus, I was shy, so that added to my insecurities.

I started comparing myself to those kids and I envied them. I wished I was similar to them. The opinions of other people affected me.

It made me bitter to the point it affected how I treated my family.

Middle school

It was my first time attending a private school and it feels a bit different. The campus is clean and the kids were rich.

In the 6th grade, I lost a lot of weight, so I felt good and I can finally “fit in” with other kids. There was no need to compare myself because I “overcame” what bothered me back in elementary.

As I met new people, some kids talked about how their parents bought them game consoles. It seems all of them had every game consoles at that time. They always talked about PS2, Gamecube, and Xbox. Plus, their parents owned really nice and expensive cars.

It made me insecure because my family had an old two doored car. My game console was a PS1, which was 5 years old. My family didn’t even have enough for our school tuition. My mother was struggling.

Because I compared myself with my classmates again, my mind became clouded. Every time my mother would pick us up with her old car I felt ashamed. I pretended not to know her in front of my classmates. And when my classmates talked about new toys or game consoles, I stayed quiet.

Lacking

These are just a few examples of many. But these examples are enough. No matter what the circumstances are, we will always compare ourselves to any external things because we lack what’s inside us.

For my case, I didn’t have self-worth and validation for myself. I saw the kids being praised for what they had externally.

Years later, I figured I lacked love, but it wasn’t love externally that I needed because I already had that. But for myself. I compared myself because of the void in my heart. If only I have the things that others had, then things would be okay.

If I get those same things that the kids had, then I would feel validated. But I didn’t realize that it didn’t matter what I compared myself with. I would never be satisfied.

Satisfied with what? Myself…

When I compared myself to anything, it’s either to feel superior or inferior. It’s to give myself permission that I am worthy, even though, I never needed it. To give validation of my existence.

Years later, I realized that there is only one thing that you compare yourself with. I will explain later, but let me tell you that comparison could be positive too.

Advantage

Comparing doesn’t always mean it’s negative. In fact, there are benefits when you compare yourself initially. However, this happens when you are in peace and you don’t take it too far. You are not attached to the idea of being better than others. But to grow!

Being Competitive. When we compare ourselves, we have the drive to push ourselves. You’re pushing past their boundaries and bettering yourself.

  • I always say this, “If they can do it, then I can do it too!” If you see someone carry out something that you want, then know in your heart that you can do it too.
  • For example, in the martial arts club that I joined, I would always lose in sparring to this one person. So, I told myself “I will reach him one day,” then I let it go. I was not obsessed with that idea, but the desire was there. I’m not sure if I did reach his level (I doubt it), but I did get better and I was happy with that. Knowing that you improved despite the loses, gives that fulfillment.

Self-improvement. If you start comparing yourself, then you want to become better than whatever you compared yourself with. So, use that drive to improve yourself! Instead of being bitter, look to satisfy yourself. One of the best ways is self-improvement.

  • In my case, when I see someone achieves the things that I want to meet, it motivates me to improve. You can choose to mope and feel jealous or you can improve.
  • I noticed, when you compare, you work even harder. It doesn’t feel enough, so you push your limits. You evaluate what you need to improve on. For me, it’s every day and that’s a 24/7 job.

Goals. When we see people better than us, we become more focused. We want to become better than them. Your goals are unique to you, so you can’t allow anyone to surpass you. This is the mindset you cultivated with yourself. It’s a good mindset to keep focused on your goals to win.

  • Long ago, I met a person who wanted to do the same dreams as me. So, meeting that person helped me to reach my goal. If that person is working hard, then I should work even harder. That was the mindset that I had.
  • For example, in martial arts, every time I meet a person “better” than my skill sets, it pushes me to surpass them. I access what I lack and improve from there. Although I don’t do that anymore, it’s an effective mindset.

Disadvantage!

Comparing yourself produces negative consequences with yourself and others. It almost never accomplishes your goals. It leaves you empty in the end and you lose your peace of mind.

Delusion. When you compare yourself, you believe that you are either superior or inferior to others. Therefore, you assume what you think as real for yourself and others.

In terms of being superior, you overestimate yourself by thinking you’re better than others. In terms of inferior, you believe you’re not worth compared to others.

  • I used to compare myself a lot. I even compared other people to others. So, I thought I knew any better, but I didn’t. It gave me a false sense of confidence in myself. I was lost.
  • I stopped comparing myself because if I did I will only hurt myself and it poisons my mind. I realized that I didn’t need to feel superior or inferior to others.

Relationships. Let’s say you compare yourself to your friend. It might be small at first, but it becomes a snowball as time goes by. As the comparison continues, you become resentful towards them. Now, it’s not a friend you are with, but a rival. This happens to everyone. This happened to me!

  • For me, when I compared myself to my friends, I had a little resentment towards them. Because I looked outwards for validation, I lacked foundation with myself and didn’t see what I was truly made of.
  • So if you compared yourself, it’s a huge risk. Instead of enjoying time with friends, you become distant and awkward towards them.

Yourself. It’s a losing battle with yourself. When you compare yourself, it’s a sign of lack inside of you. Lack of self-love.

  • I never grew as a person when I compared myself to others. And if I continued to do that, I ended up hating myself. I started to lose my meaning as a person. I lost sight of myself and tried to live on someone else’s shadow. It was torture!
  • I kept holding on to my ego, therefore it felt like poison. However, I take deep breaths and tell myself that it’s not worth being a slave in your mind. Freedom is way better, then feel like a dog on a leash.
  • The moment you compare yourself, then it’s a sign of weakness in you. It doesn’t matter if you feel superior or inferior compared to the other person. Comparing oneself to anything external so you can feel validated is a sign of lack.

Who should you compare yourself with?

Easy answer, You!! Direct your energy from comparing yourself to anything to yourself instead.

Instead of seeing how superior or inferior you are to another person, step back and see if you are superior or inferior you are from your old self.

We are often busy looking at others, while we forget to nurture ourselves.

Perhaps, when we compare ourselves, it’s a cold sign of insecurity. Because we are neglecting ourselves.

  • When I know I’m comparing myself with something, I listen to my body how it reacts. Sometimes, my eye gets teary or my shoulders tense up. The moment I feel those, I stop immediately and I become aware of my thoughts. When you stop yourself, think to yourself that comparing is not worth it. I take deep breaths until my body feels relaxed and my thoughts are clear. Then, slowly, but surely you take control of your reactions and thoughts.
  • Comparing is similar to being a trapped animal. In my opinion, the more the restriction, the more likely it becomes enraged.

Conclusion

We all go through comparison. Whether we do it to others, with
ourselves, etc. However, it’s a choice to do it or not. It’s okay to
compare if it’s used to help you when you don’t have anything going for
you, initially.

It might have some benefits, but it’s most likely a failing cause.

When we compare ourselves, you are still empty. There are things we lack, therefore we look at others hoping it fills. Comparing ourselves reminds us to look out for our well-being.

So,
let go of comparing ourselves and we will begin to value our worth. Once we
let go, we become and the only thing to compare is ourselves.

Thanks and comment!