The art of the Grieving process!

Ah grieving…. the time of our lives that put our hearts into a stop. A time of dying for us. A time when things you wish things can be better. A time of sadness and sorrow. A time of regret. A time of crying.

All you think about is the pain of what happened and wishing you can change what happened. It takes time for the release, but eventually ceases as you proceed through it.

Grieving seems like a negative thing for some people, but it has tons of benefits too. Let us go deep into this subject.

Disadvantages first

First, let us talk about the disadvantages of grieving before talking about the positives.

Self-worth. The grieving can tear down your self-worth. The world you knew crumbles right in front of you. So, you might think you are not good enough for anything. You give yourself negative self talk, which is part of the process. But, it can get worse if not properly nurtured. So, it affects your mindset.

  • This is where I got affected the most. It was natural for me to feel worthless. I thought everything was my fault until I realized that it wasn’t true. I am worthy. However, that’s the disadvantage of grieving. It can lead you to negative thinking if you don’t nurture it properly.

It can take time. The mourning stage takes time to process. Rushing it will make it worse! If you rush or skip the process, then it can emotionally stunt you. But, for some people they remain in the grieving stage for a very long time and stays there, which can hinder their enjoyment of life.

  • I remember, I grieved for a very long time. I was either staying there or regressing back. It was back and forth. However, I stayed that way because I didn’t know any better. I didn’t let go of the past. It made me think that the future never matter. But, I was wrong. The story hasn’t ended yet.

People will be wary of you. Sometimes, it happens. People might feel uncomfortable with you. Especially the ones who don’t understand.

  • I remember, people were uncomfortable with me because I looked gloomy when I was going through rough times. In fact, they didn’t see me the same way. Some of my old friends stopped being friends with me. I didn’t know the reason, but that’s how it was.

Advantages of grieving

I say, grieving has a ton of great things. Look at it in another way.

It’s healing you. Without a doubt, grieving helps heal you emotionally. We shouldn’t ignore grieving! If you ignore it, then your inner problems will resurface. It might get worse if you don’t face the sadness. However, you can change that! Face it and don’t avoid that problem in you. In no time, you will heal!

Changes your thinking. This will sound crazy, but grieving can help transition from negative to positive thinking.

  • Prior to my super rock bottom phase, negativity dominated my thoughts. Thoughts of never being good enough. I was unaware. But, when I went through a certain moment in my life, I hit a terrible rock bottom. During my mourning phase, I only had my negative thoughts.
  • I realized how negative I was and it didn’t sit well with me. I wanted to change that. I wanted more positivity in my mind and life.

You learn and grow stronger. Grieving helps you become stronger and you learn from the experience. It’s like working out. Your muscles get stronger when they reach a breaking point. Your emotions reached a breaking point

  • It’s rock bottom. I don’t know how long I stayed in that place, but it was long. I had a choice to rise or not. Rising was the option I wanted. Evolve myself from it.

Knowing your support people. The good thing about the grieving process is the people that care for you. In fact, you will truly know the people that support you on your lows when they stick around. But, the ones that leave are the people who don’t deserve you in the first place. Weeding out the extra baggage.

  • When I was going through my phase, people slowly turned their backs on me.
  • Then, there were others that stayed by my side through the toughest hour. They are the ones that deserve my respect.

Discovering your interests. During the mourning phase, you’re always with your thoughts. Analyzing scenarios of what you could have done. The great thing about it, you think of ways to handle your situation better. You discover coping mechanisms for release. You like them as a new hobby.

  • This gave me time to reevaluate myself. I wanted to stay busy to help cope with my sadness. I took up dancing classes and martial arts. I realized I loved doing it.

Time for yourself and the people you care. I know it’s the grieving phase. It’s the time when you are feeling sad and depressed. But, you don’t realize; you are spending more precious time with yourself. If you have people who are supporting you, then it’s more time with them too. Time is precious, regardless of your circumstance.

  • I remember, I was always out and didn’t have time for my family. When I got depressed, I spoke to my family about it and we bonded because I was expressing myself to them. Before I expressed myself to people I barely know, but now I’m able to do it with the ones I truly love.

Steps to eventually lead to peace!

Emotions can take us to places we don’t expect. For grieving, it feels like you are in a dark hole, which is hard to get out. Here are my steps on getting out of that hole quicker. It helps me, so I hope it can help you.

  1. Accepting the pain involve with the circumstance. It will take time to accept. It’s difficult at first. It wasn’t easy for me to accept the situation, but I believed it was the only way to free myself. It was a stepping stone.
  2. Feeling the pain. I tried to avoid what happened and bury the pain, but that was not the best decision. It consumed me and could not rise above it. So, acknowledge the pain and see it for what it is. The negative emotions with the memories will be there, but try to embrace them. It’s the only way for freedom.
  3. Forgiveness. Forgiving those who wrong you (if any) and yourself.
  4. Discover interests. During this process, you will discover hobbies for yourself. Interests you never expected. This could be a cope mechanism for the mourning phase.
  5. Learn and grow. You realize that as you discover your interests, you will become good at it. You will also grow stronger in the process and live with meaning.
  6. Appreciation. Finally, you will have a different perspective. Instead of criticizing the circumstance, you appreciate that it happened. Because if it didn’t happen in the first place, then you wouldn’t grow as a person you are now.

What changed after the grieving process?

Before the grieving phase, I was a negative person. I was a good man, but didn’t have the mental capacity. I didn’t have the confidence to express myself. I always believed I didn’t have what it takes to succeed. I doubted myself constantly even though I knew I could do it.

After the grieving process, I appreciate every situation I face. I may get fearful at first, but I finally have the courage to face them. I’m more confident with the things I want in my life and express them humbly. I see life more fruitful.

Conclusion

Grieving is part of life. Without grieving then we are better off as toasters on the counter. That’s what makes us human and a living being. It will hurt at first, but eventually a small spec of light is enough. Remember, nothing is permanent and we should accept that. But, we chance a choice to move forward.

I believe whoever is going through tough times, they will rise above it. I promise you, when you rise about it, then you will be the happiest.

Thank you for reading and please leave a comment!

How I deal with Anxiety and how it can help you! PROS and CONS!

Sigh… anxiety, what a pain in the neck. You want to get rid of it, but it just keeps coming back. It’s the plague in our unconscious mind that goes real deep!

It’s always generated by fear and the world does’ nothing to help rid of it. The system has created more anxiety, so it instills fear in us. This causes us to doubt ourselves and not take action.

Since the dawn of man, anxiety has become part of us, so it’s nothing new. It’s in our genetic code! However, in the era we live, anxiety has skyrocketed even further than ever before. This time, it’s not survival for predators, but in our social norms.

For example, social media, school, financial, status, cliques, appearance, etc. Even the use of our phones causes anxiety! The system is cultivating our fear and they are succeeding.

That being said, I want to share my ways to reduce anxiety from your life. It’s simple, but it takes time. Here we go!!

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is basically fear driven from what’s to come. For example, parties, school, checking your likes in social media, interview, etc. Something that makes a person nervous and fearful of the unknown.

The symptoms I felt when I experience anxiety:

  • Heart rate increases
  • Difficulty breathing
  • Difficulty to think clearly
  • Restlessness
  • Body begins to tremble
  • Sleeplessness
  • Negative talk
  • Hesitant or panic
  • Depressed
  • Confused

However, anxiety is not all that bad! There are advantages as well. Here are my advantages and why they are helpful in certain situations.

Advantages

Think twice with your decisions. Anxiety helps you think twice of your choices. Sometimes, we tend to go for our goals without thinking and we end up falling. So, thinking twice with your decisions is beneficial.

  • Honestly, I have done many reckless things that caused me to trip and fall because I didn’t think twice on my decision. I learned that anxiety is helpful when faced with a tough decision.
  • When I get anxieties as I make decisions, I learned to weigh my options. For example, I say “What is the worst that could happen if I do this and vice versa?”

Choosing your options. Anxiety allows you to weigh your options. Instead of putting all your eggs in one basket, you have other baskets if others don’t pull through. And, it makes you choose a safer route.

  • Honestly, anxiety saved me many times in the past. Taking risks is great and all. But, it depends if your life is in danger or not.

You become more safer. Anxiety makes you hesitant and we think about the situation! Sometimes, we like the thrill of danger. However, there are moments when there is no turning back and it will be tough to escape it. That’s when we get injured, put other’s lives in danger, etc. So, anxiety helps you stay safe. Being fearful has it’s advantages too!

  • When I was young, I was shy, but really reckless. There were moments when I don’t think before I do things. I let my heart take the direction. At times, it’s good to follow your heart, but the risk of pain is greater. So, it’s a lot safer to stay put.

Comfort. Obviously, it puts us in the comfort zone. I mean risk is good, but it does’ feel better in our haven.

  • I think if you’re a lazy person, then this might resonate to you. Sometimes, I’m lazy haha. So, anxiety gives you excuses to stay comfortable.

    Limits. Anxiety recognizes your limitations. Sometimes, we are not confident with our abilities and that’s probably because of lack in preparation. Anxiety helps you become aware of your limitations.

    • I use anxiety as a tool to understand where I am. For example, “Man, this is making me have anxiety! Therefore, I need to face this and not run from it.”

    Disadvantages

    Taking risks. When anxiety hits, we become fearful. And, when we become fearful, we avoid the risks. Sometimes, taking risks is advantages.

    • For example, I was afraid of certain things, so I didn’t take many risks. But, something in my head told me the what ifs, right. So, I didn’t want to have thoughts of regret.
    • So, I decided to do things that make me uncomfortable haha. It’s strange, but after taking some calculated risks, it made me feel good. So, take safe risks! It will build self-esteem.

    Health-wise. Anxiety is stressful! You start sweating, shaking, having a hard time with breathing, digestion, etc. All the symptoms that I listed. Sometimes, you get nausea. At least, from my experience.

    • For my case, it’s messy. I was trembling and sweating. Of course, anxiety is always there. So, there are a few things that helped me ease anxiety.
    • Deep breathing helped me and humming sounds.

    Mentality. So many things happens in your head. The fear of the past, present, and future. It’s also hard to focus on tasks. Negative thoughts start racing in your head.

    • For some reason, thinking about the cause of my anxiety gives me a headache. Overthinking about it is not always good!
    • So, we have to relax!

    Emotional. You start becoming annoyed often. You get into this panic mode, like it’s the end of the world, basically. You start being mad at people and you can’t explain.

    • I remember, I had a job interview, but it was so far away. About an hour by bus. Plus, I’m bad at directions, so I was afraid of getting lost. So, I made stupid excuses for myself and try to rationalize the situation. For example, “It’s too far” or “I might find better jobs that are closer to my home.” Those kinds of excuses.
    • They way I overcame this and it wasn’t easy, I took out a piece of paper and listed the things that could happen if I keep this anxiety. I put down the things that might get lost or things that I might miss.

    Self-esteem. Obviously, you’ll feel like crap. Anxiety pulls out the you fear and it messes up brain. It makes you feel empty and worthless from the inside.

    • Sometimes, anxiety doesn’t help my self-esteem. It makes me feel unworthy at times.
    • Luckily, I get over it really quick and think that things will be fine. And, it always turns out great. Like Wayne Dyer would say, “Your thoughts become your reality.” I agree to the notion! You are what you think about. So, everything will be okay!

    Why I believe Anxiety is a good thing to cultivate

    For me, it’s a good thing because it reveals your fears. Before I believed fears were terrible, but I learned to understand it. I learned to understand that fear is something that I will face eventually. Something that should use to improve ourselves.

    You noticed in life, the same types of situation often comes back. We deal with the same types of situations and avoid them because of anxiety. Therefore, it haunts us again and again. It keeps chasing us.

    So, it’s a good thing because it helps you take the opportunity to dig deep.

    Various way on how I reduce anxiety

    • Dance. I start dancing all over the place. You can take some dancing lessons or just dance however you want.
    • Deep breathing. Inhale for 3 to 4 seconds in your stomach area. Once it’s filled, exhale all the air slowly. As you exhale you begin tightening your core muscles by vacuuming. Then, inhale and relax.
    • Exercise. It helps me relax. Exercising helps relieves stress and anxiety. Especially, walking helps reduce cortisol.
    • Hobbies. Doing the things you like takes away fears and anxiety. It helps cope with the emotion.
    • Talking about it. Whether you are talking with someone or alone, it helps release emotionally baggage. Expressing your vulnerability is key to success.
    • Positive thinking. Understand that anxiety happens for a reason. Everything has a season and anxiety was probably there for a reason.
    • Like minded people. Spending time with positive people. People that support you and will always be there for you. You don’t need many friends! Only the ones that you trust. Even your family is supportive. Pick you choice of people.
    • Accepting it. Just accept that anxiety is part of living. If we deny it, then it causes more anxiety and fear. Ironic right?
    • Meditation. Clearing your mind helps your understanding of your fears.
    • Doing things you dislike. It’s difficult at first, but you’ll get used it. I got used to it! For example, if you’re lazy, then start doing things at your pace. Like start waking up a little early or have a walk. If you keep doing things you dislike, then when it comes to facing the things that causes your anxiety will be cake walk.

    Anxiety is a good thing!

    Anxiety happens and that’s okay. It’s what keeps us living and it’s part of every living thing. So, there is no shame with it. It’s is not all that bad.

    People put a negative label to it, like it’s weak or cowardly. But sometimes, even the most toughest people in the world experience anxiety. They talk about how they being fearful and how it helped them push through in life.

    Just embrace it and make it part of who you are. Make it a tool for your growth.

    Thank you everyone and please leave a comment!

    The feeling of being alone. The Pros and Cons! Why I see it as a Superpower!

    man sitting alone by the window

    Now when I say the word alone, some people give it a negative feel. It’s understandable because humans are social creatures that thrives with groups to survive.

    Many times, people view a person who is alone timid, antisocial, misunderstood, etc. It’s always something negative.

    In social events, a person who is often alone is view not worth speaking with for the most part. It’s a real hassle. But, I always believe that there is something great about solitude. Some people call be crazy, but there are few that agree with me haha.

    Let me show you my take on being alone and it’s a good one too ūüėČ

    But first, let me tell you short story.

    My journey of being a Lone Wolf and How I enjoyed solitude!

    lone wolf

    My whole life, many of my peers saw me as a loner. It wasn’t comfortable at first, but I soon learned to embrace the gifts of being lonely.

    I was always a shy kid growing up, so I was always left on my own. I wasn’t always happy being on my own. In fact, I was sad when people didn’t talk to me. I just watch from a distance and desired the same things as they did.

    Often times, I doubted myself. I thought there was something wrong with me.

    In elementary, I didn’t have many friends. There were not many children that were willing to spend their time with me. It makes me feel a bit sad. But, it helped me think to myself more.

    In middle, I did gain more friends, but it was more of the same as elementary. I tried to fit in with the kids, but there was not much satisfaction.

    In high school, I was always with nerds and geeks, but often times I spend my days alone. There was one point, I was getting tired of it. So, I did try to befriend some popular kids. But, I was not happy.

    In college, I was always myself in the beginning. Then I met my best friend in 2012.

    One day, my sister and I joined a club in 2014 and it was a struggle, due to our shy personality. I was often
    myself in the beginning. The only person that was there by my side was
    my sister. We were a team!

    There were moments that we wanted to leave the club, but we never gave up.

    People felt uncomfortable with me. However, things started to shift when I made a friend with an exchange student in 2015 that just joined the club. She was kind and was willing to talk with
    me. At first, I wanted to leave the club, but her presence gave me the reason to stay.

    From then on, I enjoyed coming back to the club. It wasn’t a hassle anymore.

    Anyways, I didn’t feel lonely as much. As time went by, she eventually left to her country. I was sad to see her off, but things move on. However, I felt different. After she left, more exchange students came and became friends. Plus, it was a great way for the club members to bond, thanks to the exchange students.

    This went on for the next 3 years, I believe. I met a lot of people. But by the end of my journey in the club, I reached to a point where I was neglecting myself. I didn’t have much alone time as I did in the past.

    In the past, I craved for the companionship, but now I realize that I enjoy being alone. Despite many awesome memories and companionship, I want to focus on myself. I think I gained self-love through the years, so I felt that way.

    Disadvantage

    Networking. You might not have as many friends as other people do.

    • In my case, I didn’t have much close friends. I have handful of them, but not bunch. If I wanted a party, then it’s only the size of McDonalds or something haha.
    • I don’t mind. Sometimes, quality over quantity is far valuable.

    Social. Yes, too much solitude might be boring at times. That’s why we need to balance ourselves. Being social and enjoy company can be beneficial.

    • Sometimes, I get bored! I want to talk as well and spend time with friends.
    • So, a happy balance of solitude and socializing.

    Anxiety. It might come to a point that instead of being alone, you might feel lonely. That’s when negative voices in your head saying that people might not want us or we are not enough as a person. I mean, this happens if you don’t feel whole with yourself yet.

    • A few years back when I lacked self-love, I always had anxiety of being lonely. It was tough, but sometimes that anxiety helped me figure things on my own.
    • As I met new people in the club I used to join, I began to appreciate my time for myself. That’s valuable time!

    Opportunity. Sometimes, you might miss out on business proposals, potential partner, friendships, etc. So, there are that risk, but there will always be opportunities ahead. We live in a world of abundance!!

    • There were a few times when I’ve been invited for social events, but I rejected them and spent my time with myself. I did wonder if I have met a person that might make my world go wild in that social event.
    • I learned to let it go if opportunity passes. There will always be opportunities again. It’s never too late in life. It’s just a matter of when you’re ready or willing.

    Memories. You might not have as many memories to cherish with others.

    • Sometimes, I want to build memories with my friends and family. Do things that will create meaningful memories. Being alone does create memories with yourself and your adventures, but sometimes I would like to create them with the ones I value.
    • For me, I want to create these memories. Sometimes, I have to sacrifice one thing for the other because I know there will always be an opportunity for own goals.

    Complacent. Sometimes, being alone might leave you too comfortable. To the point that you don’t want to interact with others.

    • I remember, I got complacent with myself. I didn’t want to interact and that was not a good sign for me, in my opinion.
    • So, I learned to put myself in awkward situations.

    Advantage

    Time. It’s an opportunity to spend time with yourself. People are busy with work, school, friends, events, etc. They don’t have time for themselves. Being alone grants us that chance for ourselves!

    • I love being alone because it creates more time for myself.

    Productivity. You get things done much quicker! You don’t waste time with anything else but getting things done. Sure, teamwork is beneficial, but it can become a hindrance because you don’t have much freedom to think for yourself.

    • I get things done so much quicker. I love teamwork, but sometimes I get lazy with groups. It makes me complacent, so being alone allows me productivity to kick in.

    Freedom. Having to think for yourself is wonderful in its own right. The freedom to act on your own and take action based on your own. You don’t need permission from others.

    • Everyone wants freedom! For me, this is my time to enjoy and taste life for what its meant for.

    Decision. You make decisions based on your rational. You don’t have to worry about anyone hindering your choices Unlike when you depend on people, you can’t express your decisions and it’s always frustrating.

    • I decide for myself. I don’t have anyone telling me how to do things.

      Self love. This one is obvious to me! You don’t have to rely on people’s love, but your own.

      • I learned that being alone is an opportunity to build self-love. It’s great to have people around, but I’t keep taking their love. I have to find that love for myself and solitude grants me that chance.

      Attraction. Believe it or not, but there is something mysterious about a person that acts on their own. Sure, there is an appeal for someone in a wolf pack, but there is something more about the lone wolf. Where there is mystery, there is curiosity and when there is curiosity, then there is attraction. Especially, when you reach an abundant mindset, then people will feel that energy.

      • This is really true haha. I remember, I was laying down on a log st the beach and a girl approached me. She asked me how I was doing.

      Self improvement. I feel, being alone helps personal improvement. Big time!! When you start to meditate, you see things you want to improve on. So, being alone grants that opportunity to refine yourself.

      • Probably the only time that I improve myself is when I access on my own. I reflect on my successes and mistakes. It’s a bit difficult for me to improve if there are people around me. I lose focus.

      Understanding. You understand yourself more. You meditate and you see your limitations. Although, being with people can help you understand your level in social situations, but being alone allows you to dig deeper to the cobwebs of your mind.

      • Being alone helps me become self-aware. I’m aware of my limitations and how I find ways to improve on them.

      Lonely vs. Being Alone

      There is a difference between loneliness and being alone. Some people mistaken the two as the same thing, but they are different in their own right.Howeverever, both are choices.

      When a person feels the longing of a companion and does not enjoy solitude, then that’s loneliness. Someone that feels empty inside and needs external love, but has a hard time getting that.

      Being alone is when a person reach wholeness with themselves and enjoy their time with themselves.

      You can either choose to say “Oh, I’m not good enough. No one likes me.” them proceeds to feel desperate of others affection, due to loneliness. Or, you can choose to say “Wow, I enjoy myself and if no one likes it, then that’s too bad for them. Either way, I’m going to enjoy my time.”

      Conclusion

      woman enjoying the view alone

      Sure, being alone doesn’t win you many friends and it doesn’t make you that popular in some cases. But, it has tremendous benefits.

      Many people don’t realize, but being alone feels good when you reach wholeness with yourself. It grants more time for yourself and the things you value.

      Never confuse of being lonely to being alone. Because that may seem the same, but they’re opposites of the spectrum. Two sides of the same coin.

      All I say, enjoy your time for yourself. In a world of social media and a hectic lifestyle, we don’t take time for solitude. It hinders our relationship with ourselves.

      So, be free and feel life in solitude!

      Thank you everyone. Please leave a comment and I will see you again!

      How I deal with Stress? The good and the bad of it!

      Stress is not pleasant! Who wants that?! I haven’t met many people who likes stress. Usually, they just avoid it and think about something else entirely.

      Even for me, I dislike thinking about the stressful situations that I had in my particular day. I mean, I just want to have a great time! Why bother with talking about something unpleasant?

      But for real though? Is stress really all that bad?

      Is it not that helpful? I think it can help and it’s a good thing too. Stress is used for survival!

      It sounds insane, I know haha!

      But, depending how you use it can make it worthwhile. Let’s go and I will show you.

      Yay!! Story time!

      Did you know I used to work at a fast food restaurant? No?!

      Well, I used to work at KFC back in 2017. I was a Salad Prep!

      I prepared food products and I cook them. For example, I cooked biscuits, grilled chicken, BBQ chicken, mashed potato and gravy, etc. However, I was not responsible for the crispy chicken and whatnot.

      Anyways, that job was stressful!!

      The manager treated everyone like she was the sargaent of an army. She would yell at you, belittle you, and treat you like a worthless scumbag. By the end of the day, you would feel like you were the worst human being to walk the planet.

      Not to mention, the job had so much pressure! It was FAST! It was heart wrenching and mentally draining! My emotions was through the roof! And, it was physically draining! Lifting heavy things and going at top speed was insane. Especially, dealing with customers.

      Everyday, people get injured! I got burned, slipped, slightly tore my foot, and received cuts. But, I had to keep going no matter what. No wonder why no one likes being a Salad Prep :O

      I couldn’t even stand still for 10 seconds without getting yelled at for hours or being behind schedule.

      However, one day I realized something. I was emotionally and mentally stronger in many situations.

      Something changed in me.

      Working at KFC helped me. I mean, it’s one of them. The stressful moments helped build my mental and emotional strength. I said to myself, “If I can learn how to cultivate this, then prehaps it can take me somewhere.”

      From then on, working at KFC became enjoyable because I wasn’t just there for the money, but I was there to train myself and learn about myself. The great thing about it, no one forced me.

      I also realized that all the stress that was happening was just created in my mind. It probably never existed in the first place. Because sometimes, the things a person hates might be enjoyable to another and vice versa.

      I realized that it doesn’t matter what your circumstance are. If you learn how to overcome stress in any situation, then you will be better off.

      I didn’t use stress to survive, but to grow.

      Advantages of Stress.

      I’m not saying you should always feel stressful. That would be strange if you like doing it. But, there are great things that can happen when faced with stressful situations. Here are the advantages that I’ve experienced during my stressful moments.

      Fortitude. When I get stressed out, I become stronger than I was before the stressful event. Whether I’m dealing with anything physical or faced with emotional and mental situations, I’m filled with greater fortitude. However, for some people it might take time, but in the long run you become immune.

      • Just like the KFC story, I became stronger. Once I understood what was going on with my mind, I cultivated that stress to make me even stronger. I started to embrace the chaos.

      Understanding. Stressful moments help you understand your limitations. Sometimes, we talk a big game, but we don’t always understand our capabilities. Now, this depends the moment of stress, but for my case it You begin to love the stressful moments because it helps improve yourself to the next level.

      • I became more aware of my limitations. There were moments when believed I could do everything on my own, so I overestimated myself. But, when situations occur, I would break down because I didn’t realize my limits. I felt stressed! So, stress does make you realize your limitations.

      Tasks. Stress helps manage tasks more effectively! Stress happens when there is something to fear. Therefore, we take action to overcome anything due to stress.

      • For me, procrastination was common. It was a bad habit and perhaps I’m still struggling with it. But, it helped me finish my duties much quicker due to stress. It wasn’t spread out. The reward in the end is relief.

      Disadvantages

      When stress becomes too much!

      Emotional. It can cause depression and anxiety! Probably the most obvious, in my opinion.

      • Well, this is obivious! When I felt emotionally stressed, it made me feel extreme sadness. Before it was hard to control it, but now it’s easy.

      Physically. It really affects our health. Such as our immune system. People can get sick and some people experience panic attacks. The chemicals associated with stress can affect overall health.

      Mentally. It messes up our brain. It’s hard to think and it feels like your head will explode!

      • I get headaches when stress is too high. It feels like my brain is sagging.

      Spiritually. When stress happens, it feels so draining. You become hopeless and forget about your foundation as who you are.

      • Sometimes, the feeling of being trapped is stressful. Even if I sit still in an environment I dislike stresses me out. It drains my energy.

      How do I reduce stress in my life?

      Identify. First, I recognize that I’m feeling stressed and identify the cause. I say, “Okay, my homework is killing me!!TT”

      Stop and relax. Then, I stop whatever I’m doing and try to relax my body. Be present!

      Start breathing. I begin to breathe deep into my stomach area. Feel the air flowing down. How to breathe?

      • Step 1: Relax and try to make your body supple.
      • Step 2: Sit or lay down comfortably.
      • Step 3: Take a deep breath into your nose through your stomach for about 7 to 12 seconds. Try not to expand your chest, but rather your stomach is being filled with air.
      • Step 4: After inhaling, exhale through your mouth slowly. As you exhale, tighten your stomach by vacuuming.
      • Step 5: Repeat the process 7 to 10 times.

      Moving. After I do my deep breathing exercises, I start getting loose a bit. I try to move and free myself from any tension.

      • Do some walking, running, dancing, etc. Just feel the freedom!

      Space and time. If I want, then I can put whatever I’m doing aside and give myself time to rest. Sometimes, that helps your mind recover from the stress. We have to listen to our body too.

      • Sometimes, meditation can help. It helps me!! If I need to rest, then I rest. I try not to force myself until breaking point. I rather start again, so I can enjoy whatever I’m doing.

      Conclusion

      You guys heard my story when I worked at KFC and how stress helped me build mental strength. I learned how to cultivate it and start embracing chaos.

      Then, there were advantages and disadvantages with stress.

      But, we learned how to cope with stress, at least how I do it (which is helpful!).

      Stress is “stressful!” We always live with it, but we can learn to understand it. By learning to understand, we can grow and understand ourselves. Sometimes, stress helps understand our limits. We become aware!

      We should learn to live, grow, embrace, and learn with stress. In my opinion, stress is not only used to survive, but to grow too.

      Thank you everyone! Please comment and share your thoughts!^^

      Detroit Become Human Review

      How I discovered the game?

      My sister introduced this game to me. Of course, I already knew about Quantic Dream, but I didn’t know they made a new game.

      I didn’t know what to expect from this game. I thought it would be a first person shooter type.

      So, I played it! This game change how I see my life and what inner strength is about.

      I decided to give a brief review of it, while minimizing as many spoilers as I can.

      What the game is about

      In 2038 at Detroit, Androids has become popular among humans. Humans buy androids for their convenience.

      Because androids never disobey, tire, or complain, they are replacing many humans in certain fields, thus are becoming the labor workforce.

      However, something happens along the line that made androids have free will and emotions. They are thinking for themselves and they want freedom! The Androids become deviants! A deviant is when an android expresses emotions and free will to think for themselves.

      The players control three Androids, Connor, Kara, and Markus. It allows us to uncover their lives as deviants.

      Connor, an android created to investigate and hunt down androids that gone deviant.

      Kara, Initially, a caretaker for Todd and Alice. She will do what it takes to protect Alice at all cost and in search of freedom.

      Markus, an android that works as a server, but later becomes a revolutionary leader.

      Features

      Gameplay. The gameplay features character interactions and quick time events. The game presents the players’ various buttons to press for action sequences. This determines the character’s success and the characters can die as well. As the story progress, the player decides each of the character’s fate. Each decision has consequences, which leads to different outcomes throughout the story. The characters can live or die. Plus, it allows the players to decide their outcomes.

      Graphics. The graphics are great! The CGI models look just like their real-life counterparts. The movements are quite fluid.

      Music. The music was fantastic! The execution was phenomenal! Each scene became more captivating when they added their music. It gave me goosebumps.

      Cinema. Every scene was done well! It felt like a movie and the motions of the characters felt like real people. I was interacting with them.

      => Buy here if you want to purchase the game for a good price <=

      LIkes & Dislikes

      Likes

      • Characters
        • Depending on your choices, the characters are relatable. They struggle their inner demons. As I played it, I felt I was the characters and it made me care about their journey.
      • Music
        • I loved it! The trio had their respective themes that match their situation. The music score gave me goosebumps.
      • Gameplay
        • I like the quick time events! Those were fun moments and it gave me goosebumps. I was always scared to mess up haha. There are things that you might still miss along the way. The movements of the characters were great! I loved the exploration
      • Story
        • Honestly, this game is probably my favorite of the Quantic Dream productions. It felt like I was part of the story. I was so scared for the characters and there were precious moments. Even small moments that I will never forget. For example, when Alice was happy in the theme park. That was the first time I’ve seen her that happy.
      • Choices.
        • This game is heavy on choices. The choices you make can either lead to a different outcome throughout the game, relationships with your comrades can change, and their overall characters can change. I like the fact that it solely depends on the player’s choices.
      • Controls.
        • Surprisingly, I liked the controls. It’s straightforward and it’s not complicated.

      Dislikes

      • Expressions
        • I watched the making of the game. For some reason, during the production, the actors showed more emotion than their game counterparts. It felt like some characters couldn’t express their emotional expressions fully.
        • For example, Markus was impactful, but not if he was able to show more emotional expressions during his speeches.

      What did I learn from this game?

      During my playtime, there were things that made me realize. Here are a few things!

      Love. The game drives deep on love. That it makes no difference what you are.

      Identity. The characters discovered themselves along with their journey. It was stunning! During my path, I was able to relate to them.

      Equality. Obviously, the androids want freedom. It showed me that as humans, we are still ignorant to those that are different. It’s one of the dark natures of this game.

      Choices in life. You can never turn back time. So, the choices we make in life should count.

      Rate

      Story and theme: 9.5/10

      Gameplay: 9/10

      Music: 10/10

      Cinematics: 9/10

      Controls: 8.5/10

      Characters: 10/10

      Graphics: 9/10

      Total: 9.29/10

      Detroit Become Human is FANTASTIC!

      In conclusion, I recommend anyone who hasn’t played this game. It’s one of the most endearing games I ever played. My emotions riled up. It was intense!!

      The choices we make in life counts. Sure, as long as we live, then it’s never too late for anything. Just how I discovered about the game was a bit late, but nothing is late in life. But, what matters is living in the present moment.

      Thank you Quantic Dream for an amazing game!

      How I deal with ANGER and how it helps you! What are there PROS and CONS?

      Anger is one of those things that burden us.

      We live in a world of fear and anger. The world makes us believe what we can’t do and it angers us. It drives us insane and it makes us do things we regret later in our life.

      But one thing for sure, anger is not all that bad as long it’s used properly. Especially if it’s used at the right direction! When we learn to embrace anger it becomes a window.

      I’ll show you! But first, let me tell you one of my experience and how I overcome them from time to time.

      The angry me!

      As a young person, I am prone to anger. Especially, when there are things going on with my life and there are many things to think about.

      There are things I did in the past that I regret, but many times those helped me realize my situation.

      I’ll give one example!

      There was a girl that I used to like. Let’s call her SA (If you read my heartbreak post, you will know this story). We didn’t get along after our misunderstanding and I tried to reconcile with her. I wanted her to forgive me. From time and time, I sucked it up and tried my best to repress my emotions.

      Despite her rejecting all my attempts, I never gave up on her. That kept going on for 6-7 months, but no prevail.

      During the first phases, I hit a depression and it was frustrating. Every day felt like hell!

      As time went by, my frustrations piled up.

      Until one day in March of 2017, that’s when I got angry. I yelled at SA and her friends because it brought flashbacks of the person that I care. Let’s her call her KA.

      My thoughts were “KA was hurt because of them in the past. I didn’t want to stand there and do nothing!!”

      So, I shouted at them. I became enraged!

      I was seeing red and black. I didn’t think clearly. I heard SA was really scared. But, I didn’t care at that time.

      Was that a mistake on my part? Definitely! Because that didn’t show who I was as a person and it frightened some people. I might have caused casualties, which I’m glad never happened. Or else, I would regret it for the rest of my life!

      Later that evening, it helped me realize I needed to finally let go.

      Disadvantage

      Anger definitely has disadvantages! Especially the consequences that happens after it happens. So, you guys better be careful!

      Scary. Being angry makes you look scary! I mean, it’s obvious! Who wants to deal with that!?

      • I remember after I got angry at SA and her friends, SA got frightened. So, it did make me look scary. Did I regret it? In the beginning, yes, but not anymore. Did I make a mistake by shouting? Yes, I did, but I was grateful no one got hurt.
      • I learn to calm myself first before an outburst and think things through. Or else, I’ll look like the Beast from ‘Beauty and the Beast.’

      Relationships. Anger causes relationships to fall apart. It leads to consequences that could be difficult to restore.

      • Sometimes, I offend people when I am angry, so it does leave a scar on them. Sometimes, I regret doing those things, but we learn from them and we move on.

      Pride. In my experience, anger is usually triggered by pride. Everyone has egos that keep them protected. So, when that protection is gone, people can’t help but feel a sudden burst of emotions.

      • Sometimes when I get angry, I feel my pride has been hurt. I do have a slight ego, so that’s the thing I always try to improve on.

      Control. Sometimes, we can’t control ourselves during an outburst. We just allow it to control us and that’s our choice too.

      • Honestly, sometimes I lose control when I get angry. I say things that I didn’t mean to say.
      • I learn to control myself by deep breathing. Deep breathing through the stomach helps clear my mind. Meditation helps as well!

      Advantage

      Learning a lesson and personal responsibilities. Sometimes, after getting mad you start regretting. SO, when you regret, you begin to learn from that regret and dislike feeling that way.

      • Everytime I get angry, I tell myself “I shouldn’t have done that :(.” It does make me think for a while. But after learning from it, I feel grateful afterward.
      • In my opinion, anger reminds me of my weaknesses. Whatever offends me tells me more about my insecurities.

      Health.¬†It’s healthy because it helps release tension in the body. In my opinion, tension is like your repressed emotions. Tension that leads to consequences like violence and insanity. Sometimes, we hold back our anger, which builds up until no return. And, when things don’t go our way, we release all that built up anger to anything we see. So, getting angry is okay if we put it in the right place.

      • When there were moments that I repressed my anger, it made me feel horrible inside and my day would feel terrible.
      • What I do, I go to an isolated place and start getting angry on my own. I shout, punch the wall, sometimes cry. After doing that for some time, I feel fresh and relaxed. I felt like the weight on my shoulders disappeared. Another way I do it is to talk to myself and express what I’m feeling. A lot of times, I learn something about myself.

      Relationships. So, getting angry helps improve relationships. You express your frustrations to whomever that you had a fight with and try to resolve it.

      • Sometimes, we have difficulty expressing our frustrations towards anyone. But, it’s okay to become vulnerable. You let them know what boundaries not to cross next time it occurs.
      • However, what I learned is that it’s only effective if we express our feelings without blaming. We tend to blame anything that we think that caused us to feel angry.

      Boundaries. It reminds others to not cross our boundaries and it’s healthy to have them.

      • Anger is like a reminder that we have things we need to protect and value.

      How to manage it?

      Accept it. Ignoring the feeling of anger or repressing it can give you unstable reactions in the near future. You have to admit your anger because if not then it causes a person to feel terrible. Once you accept your anger, then the weight on your shoulder disappear.

      • In the past, I didn’t want to admit that certain things made me angry. So, if didn’t help my cause. It made me feel more depressed as time went by. It’s toxic!!
      • I overcame this by admitting what always made me irritable. When I did that, I felt better and I became more aware of my thoughts.

      Question yourself. You have to ask yourself, why a certain thing is pissing you off! You have to take your time to get access to yourself. Instead of question other people who piss you off, why not question yourself too. Sometimes. blaming others is easy, but it’s hard to look at ourselves

      • I had that issue in the past. I never questioned my anger, so I blamed others for not doing things as I wanted or expected. I had some pride back then, so admitting myself that I could be wrong didn’t cross my mind.
      • But this all changed in 2017 when I shouted to SA and her friends. I was becoming the person that I despised. I wanted to change that, so I became more self-aware.

      Choice. It’s our choice to change. We have to realize the consequences of this action if it goes out of control.

      • In my case, I chose to feel angry at times. Our emotions are our choice after all. Only I can give myself permission to feel offended by others. We hold our own doors to people. Nowadays, if people try to hate on me on purpose, I just close my door and shrug it off. Shrugging your shoulders helps too!

      Embracing and expressing. Telling people how we feel when we are angry is helpful. Embracing the emotions and thoughts when it occurs feels more liberating. Instead of pushing it away, we have to see for what it is. Anger is an emotion and it should embrace the same way as happiness. It also feels better to express the things that make us angry.

      • Before I used to blame people for my anger, but it never helped. It only made things worse. I channeled my anger towards people instead of self-expression.
      • What I’ve learned when trying to express my anger, it’s better to let the other party know how you feel about their actions instead of blaming. For example, use “I feel¬†…… when you do this ……” instead of saying “You always do this and that and this …….”¬†It’s showing your vulnerability, which helps the other party to relate.

      Conclusion

      It’s okay to feel angry and it’s healthy. Even I struggle with it.

      Anger does have its disadvantages where it makes you look scary and out of control, but does have advantages.

      Advantages for health and learning lessons!

      Anger is healthy! If we repress our anger it expands and can cause a larger problem! So, express your anger. Express it without judgment and a healthy way. Never in a violent way.

      Expressing how we help to liberate us and understand ourselves. You begin to accept the emotion and yourself.

      When you understand your own anger, it helps to understand others feeling it.

      Thank you for reading and please a comment!

      How do I go about self-development? What’s the good and the bad?

      Everyone knows what self-improvement is. Self-improvement is wanting to better oneself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc.

      Things that are good to make a person’s life better.

      However, how do I go about self-development!! What’s the good and the bad?

      There is a bad?!

      Maybe!

      Sounds crazy right?

      You will find out soon and why I say this.

      When I started getting serious…

      I started becoming serious with self-improvement, probably, 2 to 3 years ago. My life was a mess at some points and it felt I needed a complete overhaul.

      I wanted to change!!

      I was heartbroken during those times. I felt my foundation was lost. The Ralph during those times was fading. In fact, I didn’t know myself anymore.

      As time went by, slowly but surely, I didn’t know myself. The foundation that I built during the years was chipping away and it was painful to lose myself.

      During my lows, my best friend would tell me to “focus on you.” I didn’t understand what he meant at that time, but I thought you ignore the problem. That’s true, but knowing how stubborn I am, it didn’t click at that time.

      Until one day, I wanted to improve myself.

      When I did, I discovered advantages and disadvantages. A bag full!!

      Super advantage of self-improvement goals

      Self-improvement is a positive action for yourself. It’s one of the first act of seeking love for yourself. It’s similar to how parents help their child grow but in your own terms.

      It’s Fun!! There is nothing more enjoyable than to help yourself. It becomes a healthy addiction because you see yourself at the end of the road successful.

      Motivation and Productivity. Improving oneself increases to want to succeed. It becomes a 24/7 job only exciting. Especially, when we are in a world that operates in a 9 to 5 system. Therefore, there is not really a lot of time to spare for us. However,  as you spend your time improving, it becomes an addiction. And, when it becomes an addiction, you become motivated and productive.

      • Another thing that I realize when I do self-improvement, I was passionate. I had this laser focus! It felt good and I felt unstoppable. It feels like I need to get things done or my day can never become complete. It really feels good knowing I’m coming closer to my goal.

      Having Self-awareness. For me, I’ve noticed details about myself that I never knew about myself. For example, how my body always tenses when I’m under pressure. Plus, I become aware of my thoughts and reasons why it happens. So, that’s the thing that helps me improve.

      Skills improve. Without a doubt, your skills skyrocket! This is a no brainer haha!!

      Self-Love and value. Personal improvement is searching for yourself. And, when we look out for ourselves, then it’s the act of love. It’s the reward for yourself and how you want to see yourself in the future.

      • For me, as I improved myself, then the more I loved myself. I discovered who I was and what I am. However, I didn’t love my current and especially my past self. I was only looking forward to loving my future self. The one that I am improving and aspire to become.
      • So, one day I realized. It helped me realize that your future self is not the only thing you should love about yourself as you self-improve. But, loving oneself from past, present, and future. No matter what!! Personal development opened my eyes to what I am. This all happened in 2017.

      The disadvantage is self-improvement goals!

      Now, let’s explore personal improvement’s negative setbacks.

      Lack of appreciation. We can never have enough in the world. People that always strive for more, barely see what they already have. It’s the lack of belief in themselves that appreciation for the present moment is absent.

      • In the past, I always thought about doing more. When I finally reach my goal, I always think I needed more of that. I was never satisfied and I pressured on myself. It consumed my mind to keep wanting more of something that I already had. I was never at peace. I thought that if I get it just one last time, then I would be okay. But that didn’t happen.
      • Eventually, I got over it. But, sometimes I’m not perfect, therefore I would want more. However, it doesn’t disrupt my peace of mind anymore.

      The way of understanding. Sometimes, personal improvement can hinder our understanding of ourselves at the moment. Sometimes, we have our own issues, but we can’t seem to understand the cause of it. We seem to ignore our issues, therefore never dealing with them at first hand. We believe, self-improvement can remove the issues, but it will always be there.

      • A few years ago, I was constantly improving on my confidence. I felt unstoppable and it felt good knowing I improved. But, there was always something that I didn’t understand. I was sad. I thought, if I kept improving, then the sadness would be gone. I was wrong. It was useless to keep building something if there was something that felt off with me.

      You can become Obsessed with your problem. The reason people improve themselves is that they believe they have a problem. They believe that something is wrong with themselves. Therefore, they throw away what they were and focus on creating what they believe is correct. They abandon themselves and start anew. However, if a person sees themselves as a problem in the first place without dealing with that issue, then the root of the problem will always be there. Therefore, if a problem arises with oneself, then the same issue will resurface.

      • Over time there was a personal issue I was dealing with, I become overly obsessed with trying to fix what was “wrong.” I somewhat became paranoid of any negativity I had. I believe, perfectionism was the answer. But not really! I just drove myself crazy!
      • It wasn’t healthy. So, I decided to free myself from perfectionism and enjoy the process. When I became obsessed, it was similar to a person telling me that there was something wrong with me. I just pestered myself. So, letting go had an effect.

      Comparison. Self-improvement is good as long it’s kept within oneself. However, we get sidetracked and compare ourselves to others. We either believe we are superior or inferior to other parties. When we believe that, we become consumed my resentment.

      • I remember a time when my reason for improving myself was due to others being better than me. I had a somewhat big ego before, so feeling superior to anyone made me feel great. But, when others did better, then I would feel a little irritated.
      • One day, I wanted to rid myself of seeing other people for their successes and focused on what I had to offer. I’m glad I noticed it right away and I started focusing on myself. It sounds selfish, but you have to do it.

      Lack of being enough. At the end of the day, self-improvement reveals the lack of our desires. As long as we can’t accept ourselves, then we are bound to change something in or out of ourselves. Some people haven’t accepted themselves and by constantly changing their beliefs, they create an illusion for themselves. Self-improvement sometimes hides what we lack and the emptiness. Regardless, you are what you are and we should accept that.

      • In the past, I felt that the only way to fill the void in my heart was to improve everything else in life, which is not a bad idea. But, I did it because I wanted people’s recognition. I wanted people to see how great I am. But, I realize that in the end, it made me sad. It didn’t make me feel enough.
      • I finally overcame this issue not too long ago. I finally let go of anyone’s approval. I fully accepted what I am, regardless. Past, present, and future, you should always love yourself.

      Why you are always enough regardless.

      Self-improvement is cool! But, some people do it because they don’t feel enough with their current state.

      Honestly, I’ve realized that the reason I did self-improvement was not that I wanted to, but it felt that I had. I never felt complete with myself, so I was constantly refining and changing things.

      And, there was a cost to it. I ended being indecisive because I felt a lot of things about myself needed some fixing.

      However, that never made me happy, despite my personal development. I feel regardless, I would always feel the same way because I lacked contentment with myself.

      It only felt like I needed to prove something to people and that failed miserably. Frustration loomed over me and I started to feel lost again.

      Then one day, I gave up on trying to prove a point. I didn’t care about it anymore.

      When I gave up, I started to realize the precious life that I had. It made me see the colors of my life again. It made me happy that wherever I am and even the past, I will always feel enough.

      The pressure is off and now I can feel free knowing what I am is enough.

      Overall, I love self-improvement

      In conclusion, personal improvement is great! We should always strive to become the better versions of ourselves. There are so many resources for it as well! Like websites, training, techniques, books, tips, etc.

      There is so much advantage when improving oneself and there are some disadvantages as well.

      But regardless, we should enjoy the process and never forget who we are.

      Others believe if something goes wrong then we don’t feel enough. Therefore, we have to change what we are, so we do personal development.

      In my opinion, whether you are rich or poor, sad or happy, ugly or pretty, self-improvement won’t matter as long as we accept ourselves first.

      Thanks for listening and reading everyone. Please leave a comment!

      Namaste!!

      Constantly comparing yourself? The good, the bad? Here is my opinion!

      WARNING – This is my opinion and personal experiences!

      “Find the lessons in the pain and cultivate it as your personal weapon” – Unknown

      Comparing ourselves is a common epidemic in the world. It doesn’t matter what age you are. It plagues your mind like a disease.

      You become resentful to whoever or whatever you are comparing yourself with. Even yourself.

      It makes you feel inferior and it conditions you that it’s the right thing to do.

      We end up hurting ourselves, therefore lowers our self-esteem. We don’t notice it, but in the long run, it destroys us.

      However, you can end this cycle that plagues your mind and you can use the power of comparison for positive use. I will explain soon!

      But first, let’s begin with a short story^^

      Story time!

      Elementary

      I was a fat kid growing up. I heard people call me all kinds of names from a pig, piglet, fat boy, etc. You name it all, I heard it all!

      Being an innocent fat kid who heard all the teasing and insults, made my self-esteem sink deeper than Mariana’s trench.

      Many of the kids were fit, so I looked at myself and believed there was something wrong with being fat. Plus, I was shy, so that added to my insecurities.

      I started comparing myself to those kids and I envied them. I wished I was similar to them. The opinions of other people affected me.

      It made me bitter to the point it affected how I treated my family.

      Middle school

      It was my first time attending a private school and it feels a bit different. The campus is clean and the kids were rich.

      In the 6th grade, I lost a lot of weight, so I felt good and I can finally “fit in” with other kids. There was no need to compare myself because I “overcame” what bothered me back in elementary.

      As I met new people, some kids talked about how their parents bought them game consoles. It seems all of them had every game consoles at that time. They always talked about PS2, Gamecube, and Xbox. Plus, their parents owned really nice and expensive cars.

      It made me insecure because my family had an old two doored car. My game console was a PS1, which was 5 years old. My family didn’t even have enough for our school tuition. My mother was struggling.

      Because I compared myself with my classmates again, my mind became clouded. Every time my mother would pick us up with her old car I felt ashamed. I pretended not to know her in front of my classmates. And when my classmates talked about new toys or game consoles, I stayed quiet.

      Lacking

      These are just a few examples of many. But these examples are enough. No matter what the circumstances are, we will always compare ourselves to any external things because we lack what’s inside us.

      For my case, I didn’t have self-worth and validation for myself. I saw the kids being praised for what they had externally.

      Years later, I figured I lacked love, but it wasn’t love externally that I needed because I already had that. But for myself. I compared myself because of the void in my heart. If only I have the things that others had, then things would be okay.

      If I get those same things that the kids had, then I would feel validated. But I didn’t realize that it didn’t matter what I compared myself with. I would never be satisfied.

      Satisfied with what? Myself…

      When I compared myself to anything, it’s either to feel superior or inferior. It’s to give myself permission that I am worthy, even though, I never needed it. To give validation of my existence.

      Years later, I realized that there is only one thing that you compare yourself with. I will explain later, but let me tell you that comparison could be positive too.

      Advantage

      Comparing doesn’t always mean it’s negative. In fact, there are benefits when you compare yourself initially. However, this happens when you are in peace and you don’t take it too far. You are not attached to the idea of being better than others. But to grow!

      Being Competitive. When we compare ourselves, we have the drive¬†to push¬†ourselves. You’re pushing past their boundaries and bettering yourself.

      • I always say this, “If they can do it, then I can do it too!” If you see someone carry out something that you want, then know in your heart that you can do it too.
      • For example, in the martial arts club that I joined, I would always lose in sparring to this one person. So, I told myself “I will reach him one day,” then I let it go. I was not obsessed with that idea, but the desire was there. I’m not sure if I did reach his level (I doubt it), but I did get better and I was happy with that. Knowing that you improved despite the loses, gives that fulfillment.

      Self-improvement. If you start comparing yourself, then you want to become better than whatever you compared yourself with. So, use that drive to improve yourself! Instead of being bitter, look to satisfy yourself. One of the best ways is self-improvement.

      • In my case, when I see someone achieves the things that I want to meet, it motivates me to improve. You can choose to mope and feel jealous or you can improve.
      • I noticed, when you compare, you work even harder. It doesn’t feel enough, so you push your limits. You evaluate what you need to improve on. For me, it’s every day and that’s a 24/7 job.

      Goals. When we see people better than us, we become more focused. We want to become better than them. Your goals are unique to you, so you can’t allow anyone to surpass you. This is the mindset you cultivated with yourself. It’s a good mindset to keep focused on your goals to win.

      • Long ago, I met a person who wanted to do the same dreams as me. So, meeting that person helped me to reach my goal. If that person is working hard, then I should work even harder. That was the mindset that I had.
      • For example, in martial arts, every time I meet a person “better” than my skill sets, it pushes me to surpass them. I access what I lack and improve from there. Although I don’t do that anymore, it’s an effective mindset.

      Disadvantage!

      Comparing yourself produces negative consequences with yourself and others. It almost never accomplishes your goals. It leaves you empty in the end and you lose your peace of mind.

      Delusion. When you compare yourself, you believe that you are either superior or inferior to others. Therefore, you assume what you think as real for yourself and others.

      In terms of being superior, you overestimate yourself by thinking you’re better than others. In terms of inferior, you believe you’re not worth compared to others.

      • I used to compare myself a lot. I even compared other people to others. So, I thought I knew any better, but I didn’t. It gave me a false sense of confidence in myself. I was lost.
      • I stopped comparing myself because if I did I will only hurt myself and it poisons my mind. I realized that I didn’t need to feel superior or inferior to others.

      Relationships. Let’s say you compare yourself to your friend. It might be small at first, but it becomes a snowball as time goes by. As the comparison continues, you become resentful towards them. Now, it’s not a friend you are with, but a rival. This happens to everyone. This happened to me!

      • For me, when I compared myself to my friends, I had a little resentment towards them. Because¬†I looked outwards for validation, I lacked foundation with myself and didn’t see what I was truly made of.
      • So if you compared yourself, it’s a huge risk. Instead of enjoying time with friends, you become distant and awkward towards them.

      Yourself. It’s a losing battle with yourself. When you compare yourself, it’s a sign of lack inside of you. Lack of self-love.

      • I never grew as a person when I compared myself to others. And if I continued to do that, I ended up hating myself. I started to lose my meaning as a person. I lost sight of myself and tried to live on someone else’s shadow. It was torture!
      • I kept holding on to my ego, therefore it felt like poison. However, I take deep breaths and tell myself that it’s not worth being a slave in your mind. Freedom is way better, then feel like a dog on a leash.
      • The moment you compare yourself, then it’s a sign of weakness in you. It doesn’t matter if you feel superior or inferior compared to the other person. Comparing oneself to anything external so you can feel validated is a sign of lack.

      Who should you compare yourself with?

      Easy answer, You!! Direct your energy from comparing yourself to anything to yourself instead.

      Instead of seeing how superior or inferior you are to another person, step back and see if you are superior or inferior you are from your old self.

      We are often busy looking at others, while we forget to nurture ourselves.

      Perhaps, when we compare ourselves, it’s a cold sign of insecurity. Because we are neglecting ourselves.

      • When I know I’m comparing myself with something, I listen to my body how it reacts. Sometimes, my eye gets teary or my shoulders tense up. The moment I feel those, I stop immediately and I become aware of my thoughts. When you stop yourself, think to yourself that comparing is not worth it. I take deep breaths until my body feels relaxed and my thoughts are clear. Then, slowly, but surely you take control of your reactions and thoughts.
      • Comparing is similar to being a trapped animal. In my opinion, the more the restriction, the more likely it becomes enraged.

      Conclusion

      We all go through comparison. Whether we do it to others, with
      ourselves, etc. However, it’s a choice to do it or not. It’s okay to
      compare if it’s used to help you when you don’t have anything going for
      you, initially.

      It might have some benefits, but it’s most likely a failing cause.

      When we compare ourselves, you are still empty. There are things we lack, therefore we look at others hoping it fills. Comparing ourselves reminds us to look out for our well-being.

      So,
      let go of comparing ourselves and we will begin to value our worth. Once we
      let go, we become and the only thing to compare is ourselves.

      Thanks and comment!

      How to deal with the insecurity of being excluded! Is it possible to overcome it?

      Girl crying over being left out

      *WARNING – These are my thoughts, opinions, and how I deal with this.*

      Let’s say you are in a crowd and you want to greet others. You feel good about yourself and in a mood to meet people.

      But when you attempt to greet them, they ignore you and they look at you like you have a problem. However, you see them greet others (new and old) and they have a more positive reaction towards them.

      Well, you try again, but it’s the same result. You get left out! You question yourself if there is anything wrong with yourself and why people treat you differently than others.

      It hurts, and it’s a blow to your self-esteem.

      Being excluded is not fun!

      However, being left out might reveal things about ourselves then we realize.

      So, how do you deal with being left out?

      Here is a short story!

      once upon a time

      Everyone felt left out.

      Whether at a party, club events, church, etc. Everyone has tasted exclusion.

      For me, it happened all the time haha! I’ll give one example. Some years back, I was part of this event. I was like, “Okay cool! Like-minded people who can get along with different people! Awesome!!”

      EHHH WRONG!

      When I tried to speak, it felt uncomfortable. If there are conversations, it slowly dies down in a short while.

      Sometimes in parties and events, I tried to greet people, but become excluded again. They would ignore and never look back. So, I would feel hurt.

      So basically, I would always be alone and just to think to myself. As I dived deep into my thoughts, I realized something.

      I realized in my childhood, people left me out. I was often alone. Perhaps, being left out every time left a wound in me.

      So, every time people didn’t acknowledge me, I would be deeply affected. So, it became subconscious conditioning.

      Why do others exclude you?

      Sometimes, they might be insecure. They might not know how to speak with you or too afraid to face new people. Or they might feel overwhelmed by your presence. Who knows?

      What’s more important are your feelings.

      However, secured people know they can get along with others, regardless of who or what they are.

      Advantages of being excluded

      percents written on a balloon

      First, there is nothing fun about being excluded! Not a big fan! But, there might be a good reason for being left out.

      • Alone time. Humans are social creatures, so being left out and feeling shunned is painful. However, we recognize the surrounding people, but we forget to recognize ourselves. We try to match our principles with others and it leaves us hurting in the long run. So, it’s okay if others leave you out of their group! So what?! Because you have something they don’t, which is a time for yourself. When you have time for yourself, you become more aware of yourself.
        • These days, when I get left out, it doesn’t hurt me because that is a benefit for me. I can focus on my alone time and enjoy whatever event I am in. I’m there for the experience! If people want to be with me, then that’s cool!. But if not, then it’s okay too! Focus on your enjoyment!
      • Recognize the truth. Actually, the people who leave you out of the group makes your life easier. At least they show their true selves and now you don’t have to wonder if certain people are right for you. Take that as a gift from them. Now, you can move on and search for real friends. That’s their loss! We try hard to stay at a group that’s toxic, and it ruins us badly.
        • In the past, I forced myself into a group that saw me as an uncomfortable person. I tried to please them regardless of how they viewed me. Nowadays, I focus on people who care and value. Because the ones that care for you will be there thick and thin.
      • Self-improvement. When people leave us out, it leaves us thinking about what we wronged. Therefore, we improve our approach! Sometimes, we appear strong or weak, so we improve our approach next time a similar situation occurs.
        • These days, I look at being left out as a way for me to help me and improve myself. No one is perfect! I take that opportunity to refine my approaches.

      How to cope with being excluded?

      road signs that says "give up" or "don't give up"

      Talk to someone about it, but….. Being excluded is a negative experience and your self-worth took a blow. It’s better to speak with someone, perhaps our family or friends. Speaking to them about the situation can ease the sadness. They are your rock! Sometimes, we get affected by the people we met, but we forget the people are there for us.

      • When I would feel left out, I feel sad and a little dissipated. I did hurt a lot! It feels like you’re not worthy. If they speak with others, they feel happier with them. It leaves me thinking if there is anything wrong with me.
      • For me, to ease the pain, I speak to the people I trust. For example, I talk to my family about what happened. It feels superb to release all the negative emotions from the exclusion. After our conversation, I would feel better.
      • However, there will be moments when you don’t have anyone to talk with and that’s sometimes annoying. But, If I don’t have anyone to speak with, then I would talk to myself. It seems strange, but talking to myself helps release negative vibes.
        • There are benefits of talking to yourself. It releases those negative emotions and builds self-confidence. Affirmations are wondrous. People think talking to yourself is a sign of being crazy, but that’s far from the truth. We focus on others too much but neglect ourselves.

      Accept and understanding. Expressing your feelings will help you accept what happened. When you release the negativity, you understand the situation and emotions. You understand that it happens to everyone, and it happens all the time, then you can understand your feelings and preferences. People can give you a new perspective, good or bad.

      • After speaking to my family, I get new perspectives. Slowly, I understood that it happens to everyone, and I accepted it. I accepted; that it affected me greatly, and I wanted to do something about it. Sometimes, the things that give us problems is the key to unlocking the main root.
      • What I always do, I meditate and do deep breathing exercises. Because it helps open my mind and I discover cobwebs I have never seen before. For example, when I meditate, I discover the reasons for my reaction when being excluded. Getting hurt because of being left out causes all bullying that happened when I was a child. When I wanted to play with other children, they shunned me. That was a routine! So my reaction, I would feel sad and I always distant myself. That conditioned my brain subconsciously, and I never faced my issues.
      • When I meditate about the issue, it will hurt at first because of the emotions. You can’t avoid your problems because it always comes back. I discovered that it’s better to sit with the feeling and not being a coward and avoid your responsibility for yourself. When you sit and embrace, then you discover the solution for yourself. As time goes by, you feel better and you learn.

      Learn and move on. You will realize, it happens to everyone. It’s part of life! By understanding your feelings, it eases you and makes you feel better about yourself. You learn every pain has its lessons and that every rejection, there are things to learn about yourself. When you learn, it helps you move on and try again. But, when you try again, it doesn’t hurt as much because now you know that being excluded is a stepping stone towards real friends. You realize ego is a part of why we feel bad after being left out.

      • I’ve learned from great mentors that who we truly are as beings are love, happiness, compassion, etc. If that’s the case, then all the negative feelings with being left out serve as a stepping stone. For me, what I have learned is that the feeling of being left out has to do with my ego.
      • These days, I look at people who exclude me as the stepping stone. Sometimes, we try to force ourselves with people who don’t acknowledge us. Yet, we forget that there are millions of people in the world. Why please them when you have what you need.

      Positive outlook

      a person looking at the sea while holding an umbrella

      Being excluded isn’t a great feeling. It makes you feel worthless. Sometimes, it leaves you crying and defeated.¬†It’s not right to exclude anyone.¬†Bottom line!!

      However, I’m a big believer of “things happen for a reason.” Understand that the pain of exclusion is a stepping stone.

      When you get rejected or excluded, it helps show us the way. We become self-aware of the people we strive to become and be with.

      In fact, the only thing true to us is love. That’s why it hurts being excluded. We get affected because there might be something missing in us. Our ego kicks in and tells us we got hurt, so reaction.

      However, I feel exclusion is necessary because sometimes we are forgetting ourselves the ones we care. We focus too much on others and try to please them.

      The journey of a heartbreak, how to get over it, and why it’s good for you!

      Girl feeling lonely while on the stairs

      Heartbreaks are not a pleasant feeling and painful experience. A person can make wrong decisions in his or her lives and it’s unbearable.
      It feels like the weight of the world is weighing down on you. You try to remove it, but you can’t! The suffering seems endless and you think the only way to ease the pain is to get back the thing that caused the heartbreak or get back at them. Sometimes, ending your life is another option.
      Maybe some of you are going through heartbreaks as you read this. It feels like the world is against you and hope is out of reach.
      But, what if I told you that heartbreaks are the best gifts? Why something so painful can become the best gift? Does that give you hope? I will show you what I mean! Here is my story! The journey of my heartbreak and how you can overcome it.

      The First and a good one^^

      Let’s go way back in early 2015. I met this girl at the International Friendship Club (IFC), which is a school organization I used to take part in.

      NOTE: International Friendship Club aka IFC. A school organization that helps international students that come to Guam to study English. IFC helps with campus tours, tutoring sessions, and build connections that bridge the gap between local and international students.

      Let’s call her by the name RA. She was an exchange student from South Korea. She stayed in Guam for a semester. However, our first meeting was introductions, and it was brief. I met her again the following week, and she taught me some Korean. From there, we became good friends. We spent time in the clubroom for hours and playing games with our friends.
      As time went by, I had feelings for RA, which I didn’t expect. I was excited to see her every day. It always made me happy to see her. But, I soon found out she liked someone else. It hurt me and I didn’t know how to cope with my emotions. I felt depressed, and I held my negative feelings inside.

      NOTE: Don’t hold your feelings in because it can get worse if a similar issue arises. As for my case, it got worse. It will only tear you apart if you don’t transmute those feelings positively.

      RA is a good person at heart, so the heartache eased a little.
      Even when she left, the pain remains, and I buried it without facing it. However, I thought the pain went away, but it was still there until it finds a way out.

      NOTE: When you get a heartbreak, it’s better to feel your emotions and give yourself time to think and heal. Because If you don’t and you jump to another person, the pain remains and it can have a negative effect. The hole in your heart will grow.

      The Second Part 1: Is it the right time?

      pocket watch surrounded by sand

      It was almost the end of 2015 and the pain from the RA situation was still there, but not as much as before. I didn’t heal properly yet. At least, that was what I wanted to believe.

      I started liking another girl. Let’s call her SA. SA was also a member of IFC and I would see her almost daily ever since RA left. But, I barely spoke to her. Maybe a little. As time goes by, I liked SA for a few reasons.

      I obsessed with this girl that made me look clingy. Ew right? Some people even asked me why I liked her and my reasons were unsure. I brushed off their questions and thought it was nothing to worry about.

      I had a hard time talking with this girl because I didn’t want to appear creepy. It felt like labor because I wanted her validated me. Eventually, I confessed my feelings, but it felt forced. I constantly kept chasing her. During those times, I didn’t know how she felt for me, but I knew I liked her. I always believed, I had to pursue her, so she would like me. However, that was a bad move. Anyway, we became closer as the months went by and it was great!

      The Second Part 2: The Attempt

      a huge maze

      One day, I wanted to help her out with her problems, but it didn’t turn out well. I probably forced it out of her, which was a wrong move, despite having good intentions. I wanted her to release those trapped emotions (whatever it was!), but my approach was not good.

      NOTE: If you guys have a girl you like or a girlfriend, don’t be her therapist! Don’t fix her problems for her! Allow her to feel those emotions because women are emotional beings. All men have to do is LISTEN! Plus, don’t force it out of her. Let her be the one to come.

      It went sour for SA and I. Did I regret it? Yes, I did. I kept forcing myself to see her, and this went on for weeks. I became lesser than a human being. She said she wanted space, but I didn’t want space, which made things worse. Because I didn’t understand the concept of time and space, it was always all or nothing. I put my eggs in one basket and just give it you’re all. It’s a good mindset, but not every time.

      NOTE: When a person says they need time and space, you must give them that. Walk away and never look back. It’s their choice to reach out and if they don’t, then move on.

      The Second Part 3: Begging and Pleading

      Man kneeling down and begging on a beautiful beach

      Eventually, I gave her space and in two months she reached out to me. Then, we kicked off where we left for one month. It was a good month until the same issue resurfaced again. So, SA and I’s relationship become sour again. She never gave me the time of day to explain. I became confused, and I blamed myself.

      I kept coming back to see her, and I hoped she would give me the chance to explain myself. My best friend was telling me to stop and he would always tell me, “Dude! You deserve better than this! Look what’s happening to you!” He knows a lot about social dynamics, but it took time for him to get me to snap out. I was always in denial, so I kept hoping.

      NOTE: Self-respect is an important value. If a person isn’t treating you right, send them love and have the courage to walk away completely from them. At least you still have your dignity.

      The Second Part 4: Having enough

      "It's enough" is written on a black board

      This went on for 6 months of hoping and pleading. Hoping that one day we can reconcile and pleading that things will be the same again.

      NOTE: Hoping is NOT a bad thing. In fact, it’s good to hope. But, if you are desperate for it, then you will only disappoint yourself. You should become attached and detached at the same time.

      Then, I saw SA and another friend of hers. Something triggered inside me. Flashbacks hit me suddenly of a loved one. I couldn’t hold it anymore. I shouted so loud that other people heard me :P. All that anger was building up, so I blew up.

      It came to a boiling point. A good friend of mine was there for me and I appreciate it. Later that night, I stared at myself in the mirror and it was a long silent stare. I can’t remember how long I was looking at myself.
      I asked God and the universe, “Why is this happening? Please, I want an answer.” There was nothing, but silence. Then, it hit me! “Perhaps, this is it!,” I said to myself. “Ralph, you might never reconcile with SA. Are you okay with that?” In a heartbeat, I mumbled, “Yes….” My heart settled, and it was the last straw. Enough is enough. The beginning of letting go. From there on, I never looked back.

      Why did it hurt more on the 2nd than the 1st?

      a blue and an orange question marks in a pile of many question marks

      Before I get to the healing process, I would like to tell you why it was more painful with SA than it did with RA. Why did I end up telling a story, instead of getting to the point? Well, there is a connection between RA’s and SA’s stories.
      In the RA story, I buried the pain without giving myself time for my thoughts and emotions. The result made me take unnecessary actions later on. It became a snowball effect with SA.

      That’s why it’s important to allow yourself to have time and space after a heartbreak. Many people jump to another person after a heartbreak or a breakup and that’s not a good idea. It made me obsessed with SA because of the fear of lack, the fear of not having validation for myself and losing her. I didn’t want to feel what happened to RA situation again, so I was chasing after SA. It felt like I needed SA to fill up what was empty in me. Unless you deal with it now, the root problem will always be there.

      The Healing & Your Journey

      hand comes out of a laptop and presents a mended heart

      I shared the process of heartbreak in SA’s story. Let’s recap!

      Having Desperation for any answers and self-blame. Physically, you always feel tired and it feels it’s hard to breathe. Sometimes, you start binge eating and you become unhealthy. Emotionally, it feels like someone grabbed your heart directly and kept pulling your heart out. Plus, they have fishhooks as fingernails. You end up crying a lot! Mentally: you feel lesser than human. You blame yourself for the situation, always saying toxic things to yourself, “What’s wrong with me?” even though there is nothing wrong with you.

      Desperately holding on and Begging for the chance to happen. Holding on to that person will give you that hope. If they end up giving you a chance, then things would change. Hopefully, things would get better.

      Hoping and denying to yourself. The constant denial of the situation and not accept it for what it is. Hoping that things will get better.
      Now let’s begin…

      Anger and frustration build up. You blame them for treating you badly. You become clouded by negative emotions, which does not help your case. Something can trigger you at any moment. And when the moment happens, your logic is out the window. You still have sanity, but you are on a brink of falling. It’s a calm before a storm for you.

      Then, something triggers you. You looked like a fool and you realize that enough is enough. You want to get out. Sometimes, it’s frustrating because you want this pain to go away, but it’s tearing you apart.

      • In my case, the moment I blew up and shouted was the time I had enough. It was time for me to let go of SA. It was frustrating because I wished the pain healed already. But I knew that this needs time.
      • Holding on won’t help you. Let go of everything little by little. I accepted it for what it is. There was no reason hoping or a future with SA. I walked away, and that’s better than holding on to fire. However, It’s easier said than doing it.

      Acceptance. You are getting past the anger and focus more on accepting the issue. You realize that things are not the same again. You take a while to transition from anger to acceptance, but that’s okay. You are doing it. You need to accept anger in this process, so you can release all the tension. If you keep the anger inside you, then you are only destroying yourself. In time, you accept it.

      • I always felt sad, and I was expecting something would change. I tried everything to please this person but only made myself look foolish. I was in denial. The more I denied my circumstance, the more it drove me insane.
      • Anyway, I accepted my situation when I blew up in front of SA and the others. I accepted that it’s okay if I’m not able to speak or reconcile with SA again. It was a realization that came. A realization will come naturally to you. So, don’t force yourself, just allow it to flow to you. Sometimes people will tell you to accept the situation, but you feel you aren’t ready. You want none stones left unturned. This is the part when you take your time to accept.
      • Once I accepted reality, I could forgive myself. It gave me clarity on the situation and how I was feeling. It was easier to let go. If I didn’t accept it, then I would keep going down the rabbit hole. Not accepting the situation becomes bitterness, and that’s the last thing you want.

      Grieving. After accepting the loss, you can fully feel your emotions independently. At least, that’s how I did it. They say you need to feel it to heal it. By grieving, it helps process all the memories and the emotions that came with it. You don’t want to escape them, but embrace the past for the present to flourish.

      • The first thing I did, I walked away from SA and anything associated with her. Although, there was a period in time I didn’t want to see her at all! I would completely push her off my mind and try to forget SA, but that was not a good idea. Because it sets me up for a huge rebound. A huge failure. I felt a fit of slight anger and bitterness with her again.
      • Good thing, I had people who cared for me. They were constantly there when I was feeling depressed. There are moments you need people to talk with to help ease the pain. Think of it as training wheels, until you can handle things on your own, then you can deal with the process alone.
      • If I didn’t have my friends and family, I spoke with my dog or with myself. Speaking to yourself is good. It helps build self-love. Many people think it’s crazy to talk to oneself, but that’s not true. For me, it helped me validate and bring value to myself. I allowed myself time to think. Sometimes, we spend time with people and we forget who we are because we rely on or get influenced by others. Allow yourself some alone time.
      • I also realized who my real friends were during hard times. Many people are only there for you during the happy times and not during sad times.
      • I calmed myself through meditation. I recognized that if I shove SA away from my mind, then I am not fully accepting the situation again. So, I embraced the memories and the emotions with it. Never run away from it! If you run from your problems, then it will always come back worse or delay the process. Remember, what you face disappears.
      • Some friends told me to go do jogging because it helps with the grieving process. Exercising helps ease your heartache. It releases endorphins, which promotes positive feelings. However, I chose to just sit with my emotions and tried to understand why I was feeling this way. Feel it for it to heal.

      Changing and discovering new habits. The grieving process took a while! You allowed yourself to feel the pain and sadness. You have found different ways to help yourself. As you searched for answers, you discovered talents or interests you never thought you possessed. Initially, you only do new habits to help release the pain. With these discoveries, you try these new interests and see what else you can do with it. As time goes by doing your new habits, you realize it not only helps release the sadness from your heartbreak, but you discover more about yourself.

      • The grieving took time for me and was annoying. Sometimes, sitting with emotions is not enough, and I didn’t want to run from it. But, I wanted to explore things. My best friend told me to find an outlet to help me release from time to time.
      • I read about life coaching and I was researching about motivational mentors and quotes about hard times, lessons in the pain, etc. I wanted to ease my situation, so studying motivational speaking helped me.
      • I enjoyed studying about these great mentors and their works. Life coaching interested me, so I wanted to focus on researching and absorbing it. As I was doing this, I had SA in mind from time to time, but it was slowly easing. I didn’t feel as bitter. In fact, I felt happy.
      • So, find your own outlet (as my friend would call it). You could spend time with friends, making something, etc.

      A shift in your thoughts and approaches. Believe me, the way you think and approach will change. During your last phases of the grieving process, your belief system shifts. You become more open-minded and having a positive outlook on life. You should apply the new skills or hobbies you gained to help others. You gain more sympathy and empathy with others. You know yourself! And when you know yourself, it helps you to understand others. You become a different person. Then, you realize something far greater…

      • I was still healing and my heart was still stinging, but I saw the situation positively. I gave myself time to think and immerse through meditations and new habits. My new habits about researching for motivational speakers and building myself through their wisdom helped me heal. I was feeling genuinely happy again. It’s been a while since I felt this feeling.
      • You’ll feel empowered! More fire will burn in your heart. Sometimes it’s hard to explain, but I tell you it feels fantastic when you persevere. My thoughts were positive and my approach was in a place of conviction. You love to improve yourself and you become secure with yourself. So keep going!
      • When you love improving yourself, then that’s self-love. You felt worthy of yourself and you become mentally tough too. I helped people who are going through issues in their life and I became surprised with myself. I didn’t expect to make them feel better by guiding them. I focused on dealing with myself that it was time for me to help others. It works like magic! I guess, the quote “Know thyself” hits a home run.
      • You will take inspired action when you know what you want.

      Peace. This is the pinnacle! If you have reached this far, then I commend you. When you reach this point, you become Zen-like. You see life differently before your heartbreak. Now, you realize that the battle is not eternal, but internally. That every situation put in front of you regardless if it’s positive or negative, has learning lessons. There are opportunities to prove yourself. You realize that the cause of your heartbreak was probably the greatest gift that God; the universe has given you. In the beginning, you cried with despair. But now, it’s tears of joy. You’ve crossed the mountain.

      • As I kept helping people, I didn’t realize how I felt at peace. When I thought about my heartbreak with RA and SA, I smile every time. Honestly, if those moments, especially with SA didn’t happen, then I wouldn’t be able to gain this much wisdom. I would still be the same old Ralph that didn’t understand himself. I wouldn’t be able to help others. I cried knowing that I crossed the mountain without many setbacks. It’s an amazing feeling.
      • When you are at peace with yourself and the issues that flood your mind disappears, you want to help others that are going through the same thing as you did. I have helped many people who are going through stress in their lives. Even the international students that came to Guam, I feel privileged to help them. When you help others, it makes you a better person because you understand other’s needs.

      It’s a gift!!

      silhouette of a woman with many values

      I have to admit, before going through the heartbreak, I hated myself. I always searched for things that fill my heart. I thought you need to get the things that would make you happy. I searched happiness externally and when I would get it, it always made me feel sad. It wasn’t enough.

      But, after going through the heartbreaks, I’ve learned that outside things can only make you happy at a certain level. There is a certain limit to it. And when we reach that limit, we look for things bigger than that. But, if we can’t find it, it’s replaced with sadness and disappointment.

      That’s why heartbreaks are gifts because of the journey you can discover for yourself. You become stripped of what you thought was important to you, which leaves you with nothing. When you’re with nothing, the only thing is to blame yourself. Then, you turn to other things and look for them, but nothing. You’re left with loneliness and your thoughts. Until one day, you have no choice but your own thoughts. Then, you realize that there are great things about you. Now, you’ve gained something great — self-love.

      Thank you, everyone! Please leave a comment and we would love to help you out.